Author Archive

Fantasy football is evil: Or, how I lost to Josh McCown

Tuesday, October 21st, 2014

Our politicians and pundits can bicker all they want about Ebola and immigration and all the other issues perceived to be bringing our nation to its knees. I will choose to focus on the only thing vile enough to actually get the job done: fantasy football, aka the devil's taint. As ...

Flames AHL affiliate fires team mascot

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

In telling of his story, Scorch overpowered a firefighter. That happened. pic.twitter.com/ZIpW7Qmw5l — Diana C. Nearhos (@dianacnearhos) October 9, 2014 The American Hockey League affiliate of the Calgary Flames has -- wait for it! -- fired its mascot. Before even playing its first game. The Adirondack Flames are the new Triple-A team for ...

Maple Leafs attempt to use deodorant Zamboni; it gets banned

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014

Only one organization in hockey is so remarkably snakebitten and incompetent that it could screw up a Zamboni. As any hockey fan would have guessed by the end of the last sentence, we are talking about the Toronto Maple Leafs. The Leafs are the most profitable team in hockey despite the ...

Buffalo Bills carry Jim Schwartz off field for beating Lions

Monday, October 6th, 2014

Some things are so douchey that they only could have been thought up by Jim Schwartz. The Bills defensive coordinator was carried off the field following Buffalo's 17-14 win at Detroit on Sunday -- an excessive move for a regular-season win over the Lions, but a seemingly understandable moment of spontaneity ...

Bills to start Kyle Orton; Super Bowl berth awaits

Tuesday, September 30th, 2014

The Buffalo Bills announced that they mean business on Monday, naming Kyle Orton their starting quarterback for next week's game against Detroit in place of their first-round pick from last season, EJ Manuel. Some are seeing the turn to the Neckbeard as a panic move, but I see it for what ...

Stephen Tulloch Suffers a Very Detroit Lions Injury

Monday, September 22nd, 2014

Only in the twisted universe of Detroit Lionsdom could the most-played highlight from a win over their biggest division rival be... what you are about to witness. Detroit linebacker Stephen Tulloch decided to celebrate a big sack by mimicking Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers' "Discount Double Check" move, which is quite ...

Giancarlo Stanton’s season done; should he be MVP?

Thursday, September 18th, 2014

It comes as no surprise to anyone who saw him hit the deck after gruesomely getting beaned in the face in Milwaukee, but slugger Giancarlo Stanton has been shut down for the rest of the season by the Miami Marlins. The only question remaining is whether he deserves to be ...

Chicago Bears teach a valuable gambling lesson

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

"Never bet against your own team" is one of those adages you always hear, somewhere along the lines of "Never play in traffic," "never stick a knife down your toaster" and "never get involved in a land war in Asia." And yet...I just couldn't help myself. In my lifetime of watching the ...