Archive for the ‘Chicago Bears’ Category

The Chicago Bears suck. Especially on defense.

Monday, November 10th, 2014

How f*cking terrible is the Chicago Bears defense? Historically f*cking terrible. And I'm talking the type of history that's so old it predates the birth of the useless slab of flabby meat formerly known as Lance Briggs, who rode a goddamn brontosaurus to school and now eats a whole one ...

Chicago Bears teach a valuable gambling lesson

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

"Never bet against your own team" is one of those adages you always hear, somewhere along the lines of "Never play in traffic," "never stick a knife down your toaster" and "never get involved in a land war in Asia." And yet...I just couldn't help myself. In my lifetime of watching the ...

GMs, Don’t Let Your Players Be Ex-Cowboys

Friday, December 16th, 2011

Memo to Chicago Bears GM Jerry Angelo: when a player is let go by a team as crappy as the Dallas Cowboys, there is probably a reason. For the third consecutive week, the Bears are looking like idiots thanks to the actions of a former Cowboy player. Against Kansas City the culprit ...

Bears Braintrust Back At It

Monday, August 29th, 2011

Now I'm not suggesting that the McCaskeys use the same photographer for their family portrait as the royal family does in "King Ralph," but... fuuuuuuuuuuuu*k, are they terrible at running a football franchise. Even when not directly making decisions, their aura of idiocy runs through the team. The latest snafu occurred ...

Polacks, Toilet Paper And The Chicago Bears Offensive Line

Wednesday, August 17th, 2011

The Chicago Bears allowed a league-high 56 sacks a season ago. Their franchise quarterback was chased from the NFC Championship Game because of the subsequent lack of protection. So you'd think the team would invest in improving the worst offensive line in the NFL. You'd think. There were plenty of good offensive ...

Todd Collins: NFL Quarterback?

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

The Internet was on fire the past two days with everyone's take on whether or not Jay Cutler pussed out on Sunday. Whatever. I'm over it. His teammates are rather adamant that he didn't bail on them, and this story is already played out. The thing that blows my mind, and ...

Bears vs. Packers: The End Times Are Near

Monday, January 17th, 2011

Last week, Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs opined that the Ravens-Steelers Divisional Playoff matchup would be "Armageddon," and he wasn't making reference to Steve Buscemi asteroid movies. But with all due respect to Mr. Suggs, Ravens-Steelers is the Falkland Islands War compared to what is about to go down on the plains ...

Chicago Makes Sure It’s A Bear Market

Friday, March 5th, 2010

For the Chicago Bears, the NFL Draft started midnight EST Thursday. Yesterday, I called my friends who are Bears fans - like myself - to remind them of that fact. Without a first or second round pick because of the Jay Cutler and Gaines Adams (RIP) trades, the Bears really only ...