Finally A Quarterback I Can Bear

January 6, 2009 – 3:02 pm by Matthew Glenesk

Oh, the quarterback carousel in Chicago just doesn’t seem to want to quit.

Just months after being anointed The Bearded Savior, Kyle Orton is looking over his shoulder.

Orton didn’t have an awful season. He threw for 2,972 yards and 18 touchdowns, but after a midseason ankle injury he wasn’t the same. He threw eight of his 12 interceptions in the final half of the season after rushing back from the injury. He had to. We’ve all had enough of The Rex Grossman Experiment.

But I have friends who went to Purdue during Orton’s years in West, Lafayette, and they assure me he will only be the next in a long line of Windy City signal callers to frustrate me.

I have no reason not to believe them. While Orton seemingly can make every throw, he’s also not so great at throwing dump off screen passes. On numerous occasions, Orton would just fire the ball directly into a defender’s chest without ever seeing him. It was basically a handoff. Bears fans know what I’m talking about. They were just absolute killers.

So as the season ended in disappointment (though if you would have asked Bears fans at the beginning of the year if they’d be happy with a  9-7 record they would have been like pigs in shit) without a trip to the postseason, the question was asked: Can we count on Orton?

Forget the fact that it was the “vaunted” defense that let the Bears down, not the offense.

In Tuesday’s Chicago Tribune, Dave Haugh makes a case for Kurt Warner as the Bears’ quarterback answer. You know, the guy who said after Week 4 he seriously thought about retiring. Warner and the Bears have flirted many times before and Haugh does a good job of explaining the affair. But I’m sorry, Kurt’s not the answer.

Earlier, names like Matt Cassel and Donovan McNabb were tossed around. Cassel? Pass. I know a system quarterback when I see one and Chicago doesn’t have Randy Moss or Wes Welker. McNabb, the hometown boy? Not happening. McNasty isn’t going anywhere. Especially after getting the Eagles into the Divisional round of the playoffs. Plus, Eagles fans couldn’t have been too impressed with Kevin Kolb’s spot duty.

So perhaps the answer lies in the draft. There are a bunch of quality quarterbacks likely to be in this year’s draft led by Georgia’s Matt Stafford and Oklahoma’s Sam Bradford. But something tells me the Bears might be a bit gun-shy about spending a first rounder on another quarterback (see McNown, Cade and Grossman, Rex).

So, no first round but what about the second?

Is it too early for mock drafts? Dumb question. It’s never too early for mock drafts. DraftTek has already produced a seven-round draft simulation. And who do they have the Bears taking in the second round?

Hercules. Superman. God himself. Tim Tebow.

I’m sold.

Today, Pat Forde tells us what we already know: Timmy Tebow is perfect.

I’ve had a love affair with this kid since I saw an episode of “The Life,” on ESPN featuring Tebow as a home-schooled football superstar, who did everything to win including playing on a broken leg. The scene of him running with a noticeable limp and the bone-crunching sound of his teeth clenching was painful to watch. What’s worse was his coach’s response knowing Tebow was playing on a broken leg: “You’re the toughest kid I’ve ever met Timmy.” Slight bit of negligence there. But hey, they won, right?

There’s been a major debate about whether Tebow is an NFL QB. Will teams try to switch him to defense or an H-back role? Sorry, Timmy Tebow ain’t Eric Crouch. He’s Timmy Fucking Tebow, Jesus in Shoulder Pads.

So is Tebow an NFL QB?

Were Steve Stenstrom, Moses Moreno, Chad Hutchinson, Craig Krenzel, Jonathan Quinn, Shane Matthews, Henry Burris or Cade McNown? Nope, but the Bears played them anyways.

There isn’t a franchise that needs a Messiah at one position more than Chicago does at quarterback.

Timmy can spend all the time he wants spreading the gospel in the Philippines in the offseason, as long as he restores the faith in Soldier Field.

In Tebow We Trust!

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  1. 7 Responses to “Finally A Quarterback I Can Bear”

  2. oh god please don’t tell me you made that picture yourself. if so, you need to get a full-time job, at once.

    By Pablo on Jan 6, 2009

  3. No, Google images. It’s an oldie.

    By TheBaker on Jan 7, 2009

  4. If the bears draft tebow i will oficially never root for them again and my allegiance as a bears fan will be dead and buried… idiots like you let angelo and lovie keep their jobs the end

    By AJ on Jan 7, 2009

  5. Anyone who thinks Tim Tebow is an NFL quarterback is nothing short of aggressively stupid.

    Tight end, maybe, fullback, maybe, wide receiver, unlikely but possible.

    By Anonymous on Jan 7, 2009

  6. why not? if its a second or 3rd round pick, why not take a flier on tebow

    By allan salvador on Jan 8, 2009

  7. Sounds like a bunch of people that knows nothing about football or Tebow, just a lot of mouth without brains.

    By Bobby on Feb 7, 2010

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