Are You Ready For Some Stupidity?

Tuesday, October 4th, 2011

For years, I have opined to my friends that Hank Williams, Jr. has the easiest job in the world: singing the Monday Night Football theme. Just slightly tweak the lyrics to reflect the teams playing that week, and voila, you have your paycheck. In order to lose a gig like ...

Texas A&M Admits To Penis Envy

Thursday, September 1st, 2011

After failing to obtain a large enough order of Extenz from Jimmy Johnson to suit its needs, Texas A&M came out with the next-best solution for its problem on Wednesday by admitting it will be leaving the Big 12 Conference at the end of the school year. The Aggies have felt ...

Woe Is Miami

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

Patrick Dorsey, presumably no relation to Ken, penned an excellent ESPN Page 2 column on Monday which detailed the sheer hell that comes with being a Miami sports fan. But Patrick didn't quite go far enough when he said that Miami is on its way to becoming America's Most Miserable Sports ...

Don’t Shoot the Messenger

Monday, June 6th, 2011

The beauty of the Chicago Cubs is the simplicity of their design. Just when you think they've lost in the crappiest way you could ever imagine, they find a way to do something even worse the very next day. That was the case on Sunday, as the Cubs got swept by ...

This Ought To Help ESPN’s Objectivity

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

ESPN now has a 20-year, $300 million deal with the University of Texas to run the network promised them in that sweetheart deal that kept UT from leaving the Big XII for the Pac-10. This goes along with ESPN's already existing 15-year deal with the SEC to televise football and ...

The Alabama Crimson Tide Didn’t Throw The Iron Bowl

Friday, November 26th, 2010

I'll say it now: anyone who says that Alabama threw that second half so the BCS wouldn't have to defend putting a one-loss team in the national title game over an undefeated Boise State or TCU squad is just sick and wrong. There's nothing fishy about the Crimson Tide's performance in ...

Kid Rock: Born Sh*tty?

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

I could not believe my ears Monday night as the new Kid Rock song "Born Free" played while ESPN's Monday Night Countdown segued into Monday Night Football. The same song was used incessantly during TBS' postseason baseball coverage, which was apparently the network's only way of making a game called ...

ESPN Actually Fires* Joe Morgan

Monday, November 8th, 2010

Well, actually he just isn't having his contract renewed for next year, but this means the mission of the greatest blog in history actually came to pass. Has this ever happened before? It's like the greatness of FJM actually made something happen. I'm scared. Oh, and go read their second to ...