Ever Seen A Stoned Honey Badger?

Three LSU players, including “Heisman candidate” Tyrann Mathieu, tested positive for synthetic marijuana and are most likely suspended for the LSU-Auburn game on Saturday. According to the ESPN report, synthetic marijuana played a role in the death of Lamar Jack, a college basketball player and has been on the NCAA’s list of banned substances basically ever since.

The two other LSU players are starting running back Spencer Ware and often-used back up defensive back Tharold Simon. Ware has rushed for 512 yards and six touchdowns on the season.

LSU head coach Les Miles wouldn’t actually comment on the suspensions essentially out of spite towards the media:

“I certainly understand the interest surrounding what seems to be news. The problem with that news is it’s internal discipline and internal function of a team. I’m not inclined to be forthcoming in information. I am not reactionary to needs of media and things external to this building. When there’s information that I can share, I will.”

Miles can afford to be a bit of a dick about this since LSU is in no trouble against Auburn, though the Tigers might score a few more…nah, LSU will be fine. Auburn might be ranked, but they are substantially worse across the board at pretty much every position.

But as far as the suspended players go: Seriously? Synthetic marijuana? That’s what you’re going to miss a conference game for? You were probably sitting there in some one’s apartment like “Damn, I need to get high, but they test for the real stuff so we can only smoke Spice.” Then you lit up and were all like “LOOK AT ME! IT’S LIKE I’M HIGH ON KUSH BUT I WON’T GET CAUGHT! WOOOOOOOOOOOO”

/Falls through window

/Matt Foley’d

OK, I’m back. And seriously, if one is going to get suspended for drug use, wouldn’t one just go all the way? Stephen Garcia got five chances at this before he was kicked off his team. I couldn’t find any evidence that these guys had tested positive before (not that I looked that hard), though a one-game suspension seems to indicate that this isn’t the first time. Usually, guys get a warning the first time, or so I’m told, because these things don’t have to become public unless the press finds out. Puts a whole new spin on “violation of team rules” doesn’t it?

I’m sure Les Miles feels like the inmates are running the asylum this year.

There’s this latest debacle with two of his best players, and there was the night Jordan Jefferson thought he and his buddies were the nWo and could attack people at will. Neither of those are small transgressions for a team trying to win a national title.

Also, I’m fully aware that freaking out about college students getting high is, at best, naive and provincial. But these are guys who knew they were going to be drug tested and are always completely informed by the coaches as to what they can and can’t have in their bodies.

From a gambling perspective, you have to wonder about the judgement of these players. I’ll keep that in mind for the Alabama game in November. That is, if these three aren’t still suspended.