Bears Need Double The Beef

It was reported on Monday that Charlie Weis would be interested in the Bears offensive coordinator job if it were to open this offseason.

If it were to open? Please Bears, don’t waste any time in showing Ron Turner the door. I could bore you readers with statistics indicating why this needs to be done, but I think just telling you that he’s Norv’s brother should suffice.

Obviously the Charlie Weis Notre Dame Experience ended as badly as possible. (Though at least he didn’t accuse the university’s president of living with a co-ed. I suppose that might have been worse). However, there is no disputing that Jolly Cholly is an offensive genius. Even in a lame-duck game against Stanford, the Irish displayed some very creative offensive play calls.

As he reminds everyone, he has rings from his experience as an offensive coordinator in New England. It’s also worth noting that the Patriots have not won a Super Bowl since Weis left the organization for South Bend.

He’s also a proven developer of quarterbacks. Tom Brady developed under Weis. Brady Quinn convinced people he’s an NFL talent under Weis. (And maybe would be an NFL talent if he didn’t play for the Browns). Jimmy Clausen will soon follow that path as well. And believe me, if there is any quarterback in the league who is begging for some guidance, it’s Jay Cutler. Plus, how many great stories would come out of that particular clash of oversized egos?

While Weis would be a welcome addition to the coaching staff, he would not be enough. It’s time for the Bears to go big or go home — literally.

Last week, Kansas dumped head coach Mark Mangino largely due to his alleged verbal abuse of Jayhawk players. And if there is one thing the Bears need above all others — well besides a competent offensive line and a No. 1 wide receiver and a defense - it’s someone who will verbally abuse the everlasting crap out of every underachieving stiff on the roster.

It would be awesome to install Mangino as head coach, but realisitically Lovie Smith isn’t going anywhere. The McCaskey’s are too cheap to eat his salary. So why not add Mangino as an “assistant head coach”? He can play the bad cop to Lovie’s good cop.

Think about it. It’s unlikely that Lovie has ever yelled at a single player. But how much would the atmosphere change if Tommie Harris nonchalantly trudged to the sidelines before Mangino threatened to send him off to “get shot with his homies”? Or how about telling Cutler “I just threw away all your insulin, you diabetic piece of sh#t!” after another red zone interception?

More importantly, what would a Weis-Mangino Bears relationship mean for Chicago’s downtown steakhouses?

Clearly, we’re looking at a scenario where everyone involved wins.