Read my week eight picks here.
11:20 am – Home from vacation only to find two flat tires on my car. Awesome.
2:37 – I’m not officially on the Fire Bill Lynch bandwagon…yet. But if this awful performance keeps up, and I mean if IU doesn’t win, I’m all in.
My first four phone calls would be Bud Foster (he’s from Illinois/KY and Virginia Tech gets guys from Indiana more often than you think), Troy Calhoun, Mark Stoops, and Brady Hoke. Discuss.
2:55 – Nine minutes to go, down 16 points on the road where IU hasn’t won in two years, fourth and two on their own 40, AND LYNCH FUCKING PUNTS. GAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
3:05 – And the Illini just crossed IU’s 40 after starting on their 30. Took three minutes off the clock too. That punt was totally worth it.
3:08 – Touchdown Illinois. Game over. Bowl chances probably over. Glad we went out with our punter’s leg and horrible defense.
4:02 – Florida’s best quarterback just scored another touchdown for Auburn. And Texas lost to Iowa State in Austin. It’s laugh-at-the-big-boys Saturday!
5:48 – Game’s not over yet, but it’s Cameron Newton and everyone else for the Heisman, right? Sucks to be you, Florida fans.
9:08 – Aaaaaand I’m switching to UFC 121. Night.
Record after week seven: 79-32 (56-52-3 ATS)
12 pm ET
Purdue (4-2) at (11) Ohio State (6-1) (-24)
Pick: Ohio State wins but doesn’t cover
Final: OSU 49 Purdue 0
Okay, I’d say they covered. Now the question is: which Indiana football team is the worst: Indiana, Purdue, or Notre Dame?
Record: 80-32 (56-53-3 ATS)
Indiana (4-2) at Illinois (3-3) (-13.5)
Final: Illinois 43 Indiana 13
Total, utter meltdown on the road by Indiana. Which is exactly why they’ve now lost 13 straight conference road games. Good bye bowl game. Goodbye shot at being above .500. Goodbye respect from any opponent we face. And hopefully goodbye Bill Lynch. Very good guy, but not a winner. I don’t want to talk about this game anymore.
Record: 80-33 (56-54-3 ATS)
Syracuse (4-2) at (20) West Virginia (5-1) (-14)
Pick: West Virginia
Final: Syracuse 19 WVU 14
More random, inexcusable loss by a top-25 team today: WVU at home against Syracuse or Texas going down to Iowa State at home?
I can’t say for sure, but I’m thinking Nebraska feel like even bigger assholes for that awful loss to Texas last week now. I know West Virginia feels exactly the same.
Record: 80-34 (56-55-3 ATS)
(8) Michigan State (7-0) at Northwestern (5-1) (+5)
Pick: Michigan State
Final: MSU 35 NU 27
Guess MSU are the cardiac kids of 2010. Too soon?
Games like this are what Northwestern specializes in, which is why their football team hasn’t been marginalized like Indiana and Illinois over the years. Northwestern manages to be competitive in almost every game they play, which is incredibly impressive given how tough it is to recruit there. They’re the reason no one should buy Notre Dame’s old excuses that it’s hard to get athletes into school because of the rigorous academic standards of the university.
Record: 81-34 (57-55-3 ATS)
Notre Dame (4-3) at Navy (4-2) (+6.5)
Pick: Notre Dame
Final: Navy 35 Notre Dame 17
Wow. So anyone who knows a Notre Dame fan shouldn’t leave them alone tonight, okay? Three straight losses to the same service academy is usually reserved for MAC or Mountain West teams.
How could Notre Dame’s defense be so consistently bad against the option? It’s not like they don’t play Navy every fucking year. Maybe a little practice would help? Or maybe Charlie Weis’s players can’t handle getting yelled at for fucking up so egregiously.
This is the first loss of the Brian Kelly era that might get the fans grumbling. Sure, he’s got to get time to build his program and play his way, but losing to Navy is pretty much exactly what got Charlie Weis fired too. If things aren’t going to change, maybe Kelly shouldn’t totally unpack his office.
I don’t want to pile on Notre Dame, but maybe this is just the point they’re at now. Brian Kelly is as good as anyone at creating a winner, but it sure seems like this is where the program has fallen to, and Irish fans just have to accept it. Now they’re only two steps above Indiana! Mwhahahahaahaha.
Record: 81-35 (57-56-3 ATS)
12:30 pm ET
Mississippi (3-3) at (21) Arkansas (4-2) (-9.5)
Final: Arkansas 37 Ole Miss 24
I don’t want to be a dick, but usually the words “university” and “(insert state below the Mason-Dixon line here)” are usually just thrown together so that non-alumni who live in the state can watch football every Saturday and the alumni have an excuse to wear a monogrammed blazer.
That’s got to be the only reason the Ole Miss student body didn’t go with Admiral Akbar as their mascot. Between the children of alumni who are steeped in tradition that isn’t really there and too many people who were worried Ole Miss would be a laughingstock (too late), it just wasn’t in the cards.
But is it supposed to be ironic that they went with the Rebel Black Bear after Colonel Reb was their mascot for so long? Hey, Ole Miss, you didn’t solve your racism problems with that. No one is going to buy that you aren’t still totally and completely elitist and a part of the dividing line between the “two Americas.” So thanks for nothing. At least Admiral Akbar would have given you the nerd vote.
Oh yeah, and your football team sucks ass too. You WOULD give Jeremiah Masoli’s dumb ass another shot.
Hey! Maybe we can get to .500! All Masoli did was steal some shit and then get caught with drugs! Come on! He’s totally okay in the SEC. No one will even notice.
And you know what? They’re right. He’s not even a story anymore. The moral is: the South sucks.
Record: 82-35 (58-56-3 ATS)
3:30 pm ET
(6) Louisiana State (7-0) at (5) Auburn (7-0) (-6)
Final: Auburn 24 LSU 17
It’s Cameron Newton and everyone else for the Heisman. And it’s honestly not that close.
The most amazing thing I learned from this game doesn’t really have anything to do with the game at all. I didn’t know Tim Tebow never rushed for 1,000 yards in a season while at Florida. He got into the 900′s twice, but never over the 1K mark. Apparently, he didn’t even have many runs over 20 yards the year he won the Heisman.
What I’m saying is this: if Urban Meyer is going to keep every goddamn criminal he can find that can play football, why the hell did he let Cameron Newton leave? I’m sure I’m oversimplifying the situation, but damn.
Anyway, LSU’s offense is historically bad and their “good” defense just got torched by Newton and Co. Where’s your God now, huh, LSU fan? Glen Dorsey isn’t walking through that door!
Record: 83-35 (59-56-3 ATS)
(14) Nebraska (5-1) at (17) Oklahoma State (6-0) (+5.5)
Final: Nebraska 51 OSU 41
Um, maybe Bo Pelini shouldn’t have broken out the “blackshirt” jerseys the other week. You have to love college football for Nebraska’s transformation though.
Last year, they were all defense and the most boring, pro-style offense you can think of. Now, they’re a spread, running-quarterback team that scores a ton and has trouble stopping people. I love it. Ndamukong Suh should be given the Heisman in hindsight for being THAT important to making Nebraska’s defense good.
Record: 84-35 (60-56-3 ATS)
(10) Wisconsin (6-1) at (13) Iowa (5-1) (-6)
Pick: Iowa wins but doesn’t cover
Final: Wisconsin 31 Iowa 30
Iowa had a very good shot at winning this game as the clock died, but first Kirk Ferentz and then Ricky Stanzi blew it and Wisconsin snuck in a win.
First, Iowa was driving with under a minute to go, got a first down and were about to spike it, but Ferentz called their last timeout anyway. Then on the next play with 12 seconds left, Stanzi should have thrown the ball away, but dumped it to whoever and they couldn’t get out of bounds, ending the game. Oops.
To be fair to Wisconsin, they had a huge, Badger-style drive that ate up like seven minutes and gave them the go-ahead score. Wisconsin looks very good at winning Big Ten games. Dunno if they have anything for the nationally-good teams.
Record: 84-36 (61-56-3 ATS)
Georgia Tech (5-2) at Clemson (3-3) (-5.5)
Pick: Georgia Tech
Final: Clemson 27 Georgia Tech 13
Damn it, Georgia Tech. Get a fucking defense. Clemson? After four straight wins? Fucking A.
Record: 84-37 (61-57-3 ATS)
Kansas State (5-1) at Baylor (5-2) (-6)
Pick: Baylor wins but doesn’t cover
Final: Baylor 47 KSU 42
Baylor does make it interesting, don’t they? I’m sure this was a very entertaining game, if you gave a crap beyond the sideshow of Baylor finally joining Indiana in making a bowl this century.
Record: 85-37 (62-57-3 ATS)
7:30 pm ET
North Carolina (4-2) at (25) Miami (FL) (4-2) (-6.5)
Pick: Miami wins but doesn’t cover
Final: Miami 33 UNC 10
It’s weird that this Miami team can still go to the ACC title game. That’s how bad the ACC is this year. But hey, it’s BCS auto-bid evaluation time soon, so here’s hoping Marylan makes it or something. The ACC: two full divisions of mediocrity.
Record: 86-37 (62-58-3 ATS)
8 pm ET
(3) Oklahoma (6-0) at (18) Missouri (6-0) (+3)
Final: Mizzou 36 OU 27
About five minutes after the game in Columbia ended, ESPN’s “projected” BCS standings came out and, lo and behold, Boise was still third. Auburn jumped both them and Oregon to take the number one spot. And…I can’t totally argue with that.
Either Auburn or Oregon is going to lose, though. And THEN what is the BCS going to collude with ESPN and the poll voters to do?
Anyway, world, meet Blaine Gabbert. Blaine Gabbert, well, I bet you’re wishing your name wasn’t Blaine anymore. Heck of a quarterback though.
I still haven’t figured out what’s so fun about watching Oklahoma suffer. It’s as inexplicable for me as why I like watching Clemson lose. I don’t know why I like it, I just do.
Record: 87-37 (63-58-3 ATS)
Air Force (5-2) at (4) Texas Christian (7-0) (-18.5)
Pick: TCU wins but doesn’t cover
Final: TCU 38 Air Force 7
Hey, Notre Dame, that’s how a religious school should handle the triple option. But does this win count as treason?
The showdown for TCU with Utah is looming, and it’s going to be awesome. The main thing is that we have two undefeated non-AQ teams heading into BCS bowl season. I don’t know how many times the BCS has to prove its collusion, but when TMQ starts making fun of them for putting Boise and TCU against each other in bowl games, I think it’s time for the NCAA to grow some balls and step in.
Record: 88-37 (63-59-3 ATS)
10:15 pm ET
Washington (3-3) at (15) Arizona (5-1) (-6.5)
Final: Arizona 44 Washington 14
I think I might have gotten this pick wrong. Thanks for nothing, Washington.
Record after week eight: 88-38 (63-60-3 ATS)