That’s right, I’m Ken Motherfucking Dorsey. You might remember me from such teams as the 1999-2001 Miami Hurricanes. You know, the guy who went 38-2 as a starter for some of the greatest teams of all time. Back when playing for the U meant a damn. Beat that shit, Brock Berlin.
I was also a finalist for the Heisman Trophy. Twice. I got beat out by Eric Crouch in the closest Heisman race since 1985. The third candidate was Rex Grossman, so you can see why the race was so close. But I beat that son of a bitch Crouch for the national title.
Then, that rotten dirtball Maurice Clarett ruined the final game of my college career. I went out with a loss and got drafted in 7th round, even behind Indiana quarterback Gibran Hamdan. I played some games for the 49ers. I got hit a lot, so I don’t really remember what happened.
In fact, I forgot I still played football altogether. And then BAM! Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson get hurt in back-to-back weeks, and I’m like “Oh yeah, I’m on the Cleveland Browns.” I just rose from the grave, Altered Beast style, coming to a field near you on Sunday.