New Feature: Tebow Of The Week

October 16, 2007 – 12:00 am by Ryan Phillips

After the wild success of our “D-Bag Of The Week” posts, we’ve decided to start a new weekly post that celebrates the exact opposite of douchebaggery. We had to think of something that represented the ultimate in bad ass performance. We could only think of one word that was synonymous with “stud,” and that, of course, was “Tebow.”

So from now on, our “Tebow Of The Week” will go to the thing in sports that is the most Tebow-like every week. Of course, Mr. Tebow himself will never be eligible for this award because everyone knows he’d just win it every week. I mean if you need more evidence that Tebow is everything right with the world, head over to and check out some of the facts about him. Our favorites follow:
Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs that Superman for having a weakness. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Tim Tebow smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Tim Tebow jumps out. Tim Tebow’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.

So recognizing that we can’t give the award to Tebow, this week’s winner is Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings.

The hapless Vikings really have nothing going for them other than their stellar rookie running back. Peterson virtually single-handedly gashed the Bears in Minnesota’s 34-31 win on Sunday, running for a staggering 224 yards on just 20 carries and three touchdowns. That’s an average of 11.2 yards per carry. Our question is, why did he only get the ball 20 times? The Vikings threw the ball 23 times and Chester Taylor was given 22 carries. Taylor got more carries than Peterson? That’s crazier than letting Chris Leak play when “the Tebow” was clearly the right choice to quarterback the Gators. Of course, the only reason Leak played was because Tebow allowed him to. Tim was too busy banging chicks to study the playbook during his freshman year.

Our question is how did Peterson last as long as he did in the draft? He fell to seventh when he was clearly the best all-around player available (Calvin Johnson might have something to say about that, but still). What, the Raiders or Lions couldn’t have used a 6’1, 217-pound stud-errrr “Tebow,” who was one of the most dominant college running backs ever when healthy? So far this season, Peterson is averaging 121.4 yards per game, and ripping off 6.6 yards per carry. His five game career has consisted of games where he gained 163, 118, 150, 118 and 233 total yards. Yeah, how’s JaMarcus Russell doing out in Oakland? If he stays healthy – granted that was really hard for him in college – Peterson could be an all-time great back. And he’s the winner of the inaugural Tebow Of The Week Award.

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  1. 8 Responses to “New Feature: Tebow Of The Week”

  2. Those are just stolen Chuck Norris facts. They were much funnier then…

    By Jess on Oct 16, 2007

  3. Yeah, I’m aware. And the Jack Bauer ones were just stolen Chuck Norris facts too. But when it comes to Tebow, they may actually be true…

    By Phillips on Oct 16, 2007

  4. Funny, I saw almost the exact same column on another blog,like a week ago.

    Did you guys ever blog on this story? :

    By Dave H on Oct 16, 2007

  5. What blog was this exact same story on?

    By Phillips on Oct 16, 2007

  6. Sorry, didn’t mean to come off like an a-hole, just hate my job, that’s all.

    Here’s the link, I’m sure it’s just co-incidence. Tebow is a common topic of humor in the blogosphere.

    By Dave H on Oct 16, 2007

  7. Dave,
    Yeah the Tim Tebow facts thing actually came out on Wizard of Odds back in March, at least that’s when we first heard about it. But this post was more geared to setting up that award that we’ll be giving out weekly. Here’s the link to the Wizard of Odds post:

    By the way, we love Pink Hat Nation, McD and I especially frequent it often since we’re such huge Padres homers.

    By Phillips on Oct 16, 2007

  8. Cool, thanks for the love. Sometimes I wonder if anyone reads the stuff!

    I’ll have to check out Wizard of Odds, too.

    Probably get some Padres off-season report/prospectus going as well.


    By Dave H on Oct 16, 2007

  9. This “free sharing” of information seems too good to be true. Like cmuomnism.

    By Tiger on Dec 20, 2011

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