The Best Day In The History Of Shaving

Has there ever been a more ludicrous idea foisted upon popular culture than the razor commercial?

You know the type. They’re all the same. Dude shaves with an increasing number of blades each year, then has his face caressed by some hot chick who pops out of nowhere when he’s done.

As a grizzled shaving veteran, I can assure you that this never actually happens. Well, except for that one time.

Point is, it used to happen in shaving commercials every fucking time. Even fat dudes would have some blonde bombshell rubbing down their face. It’s bad enough that shaving feels like you’re ripping your face off every time that you do it — there is no need to rub it in by constantly implying we will get laid every single time we shave.

Then, after years of this treatment, Gillette finally wizened up and started showing us athletes who shave in lieu of ordinary dudes getting molested by extraordinary chicks. The first set of commercials involved Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and Thierry Henry, three really successful dudes who never look scruffy.

This ad campaign lasted maybe a year before Gillette undoubtedly received countless complaints from its American target audience wondering who the Soccer Ball Man was. And so Henry was promptly dumped (seriously, trying to sell a French guy in the US who isn’t Gerard Depardieu? What were they thinking?) and replaced him with the all-American image and far more recognizable face of Derek Jeter. (At least stateside. Derek Jeter could probably walk through London or Paris for hours without bedding a single floozie).

Though the commercials are generally silly, inane or stupid, they are still eons better than the hack formula of hot chick rubbing face. (I know it goes against the grain around here to complain about hot chicks, but again, this is about realism/showing an ounce of creativity in your ad campaign).

On Sunday, the karma from giving a fresh look to the shaving commercial appeared to pay dividends as Federer, Woods and Jeter each put together vintage performances that made Gillette look infinitely more brilliant than Nike’s prediction of a Kobe-LeBron puppet NBA Finals.

Federer: Won a record 15th major tournament when he outlasted Andy Roddick in an epic five-set match at Wimbledon, cementing his status as the greatest tennis player of all-time.

Woods: Texted congratulations to Federer (I guess they’ve got international plans) and then proceeded to win the AT&T National — also known as the tournament hosted by Woods.

Jeter: Had the best day out of any hitter in baseball, going 4-for-5 with a two-run homer and scoring three runs in the Yankees’ comeback win against the Blue Jays. Oh, and he led all vote-getters for the AL All-Star team.