A Letter To Kyle Korver
May 27, 2011 - 1:41 am by Hickey
Dear Kyle,
What’s up my Ashton Kutcher-looking motherf*cker?
The other day my buddy was saying something about you playing in the Eastern Conference Finals, and I was all like “No way dawg, there’s no way I wouldn’t notice an Ashton Kutcher-looking motherf*cker on the basketball court.”
But then I looked it up, and it turns out you DID play in the Eastern Conference Finals. Who knew?
Certainly not me, based on your 19 points in five total games. For those of you not too slick with math, that comes out to 3.8 points per game. I gotta admit, 3.8 is a pretty good number for a GPA, or average number of pushups you can do with your dick. But when your entire role on a team is to make shots from 3-point range? Well, that just sucks. In fact, it is completely awful. You got less game than members of a Comic-Con audience. Seriously, 4-for-14 from downtown in the whole series? Did you ever think about shooting left-handed? The Bulls already have Brian Scalabrine to fill the roll of Token White Stiff. I thought you were actually maybe going to do something.
It’s obvious that a shooter is still the thing separating the Bulls from being true championship contender, so I am hoping they trade you this offseason — maybe to the cast of 2.5 Men for that fat kid. Or the chick who plays the housekeeper.
Sincerely,
Your No. 1 Fan
