Eat Sh*t, Theriot

When former Cub fan favorite Ryan Theriot was traded to the Cardinals from the Dodgers on Tuesday, the response amongst myself and friends was a universal “Shit.”

Even if he hits .120 against every other opponent next season, none of us had any doubt in our minds that Theriot will bat about .600 against the Cubs next season. And the mere thought of a player that grew up in the organization and endeared himself to the fans from the moment he was called up — we’ve got a blogger on this very site named The Riot, for Pete’s sake — wearing Cardinal red is pukeworthy. I figured we’d already paid our penance for making Cardinal fans look at Jim Edmonds in a Cub uniform by seeing Mark DeRosa as a Redbird in 2009, but now the baseball gods are just piling on.

And then our once-beloved Riot had to go and make an asshole of himself his first day as a Card — then again, he is just adjusting to living in St. Louis, so I suppose it’s understandable.

“I’m finally on the right side of the Cubs-Cardinals rivalry,” Theriot told a St. Louis radio station on Wednesday.

OK, that’s cool. Whatever. Just stoking the fires, kissing ass with your new fanbase. I can live with that, almost.

But then he had to go and take a shot at the Cubs’ inability to reach the World Series.

“It really wasn’t talked about too much. It was like an unattainable goal. And now, being here with an organization like this, it’s right there for the taking.”

Hmm. Why might the World Series have been unattainable for the Cubs, Ryan? Do you think maybe perhaps you may have helped play a role in the team’s inability to win a single game in the 2007 or 2008 playoffs? Or was that strictly the fault of the eight other guys in the lineup?

Theriot also went on to say that he was always a little jealous of the Cardinals, and that it’s something “you just want to be part of.”

When former big leaguer David Delucci — who never actually played for the Cardinals and has no damn idea what he is talking about — congratulated Theriot on going to “baseball heaven”, Theriot told his interviewers “I think he hit the nail on the head.”

Well, Riot, I used to love you, but those days are over. If you considered St. Louis baseball heaven for all these years, then I hope every return trip you have to Wrigley becomes a living hell.