The Phillies fifth starter this season can be an overweight fan puking on kids and the Phils will still win the NL East. Whoever, takes the bump every fifth day will become the definition of fifth wheel. And myself being a single loser, I’m often the fifth wheel. With most of my friends wifed up, I know what it’s like to be the odd man out. It’s a role I don’t mind. I’m used to it. And I welcome the Phillies’ fifth starter, whoever you may be, to our exclusive club.

Here are a few of our members:
Maggie Simpson - Maybe it’s because she can’t talk, but Maggie is often the forgotten Simpson, that is when she’s not shooting Mr. Burns. But she’s no Homer, Marge, Bart or Lisa. But I’m waiting for “Simpsons: The College Years” because something tells me Maggie might be somewhat of an orally fixated co-ed.

Stuart Sutcliffe - Often referred to as “the fifth Beatle,” Sutcliffe was the original bassist for the the Beatles before leaving the group in 1961 to pursue a career as an abstract expressionist artist. A classmate of John Lennon and Paul McCartney, Sutcliffe was a pioneer of the skinny jean look. Luckily, the German art scene captivated him therefore further delaying the popularity of the skinny jean look to punk-emo posers rather than brilliant, life-altering musicians.

A.C. Green - Perhaps more known for his celibacy vow than his days with the Showtime Lakers, Green was the fifth starter for the Lakers during their late 80s heyday. A second-year pro, Green moved into the starting lineup in 1987, joining the entrenched quartet of Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, James Worthy and Byron Scott. Green started 136 games during the back-t0-back championship seasons in ’86 and ’87, averaging a modest 11 points a game. Most people think Kurt Rambis was the fifth starter, but that’s just because he’s white and wore rec specs. He’s memorable. But jheri-curl and blue balls can make you infamous.

Meg Griffin - Often the butt of the joke, everyone hates Meg. Peter, Lois, Stewie and Chris have all wished Meg dead at one time or another. To think Mila Kunis would be such an ugly cartoon.