Carlos Marmol: Nastiest Pitcher In Baseball History

There’s filthy, and then there’s filthy.

A 48-year old chain-smoking, Atlantic City cocktail waitress toting a purse filled with Valtrex is filthy.

The mess two honeymooners leave between the bed sheets qualifies as filthy, as well.

But ladies and gentlemen, let me bring to your attention a whole other type of filth. That being the filth produced by Carlos Marmol’s right hand (please no masturbation jokes. Plus, I hear he’s a switch-hitter anyways).

Not much has gone right for the Chicago Cubs this season. They sit in fourth place in the NL Central, 13 games under .500, and are already on manager No. 2.

But Marmol has been absolutely dominant. The Cubs closer is on pace to break the MLB single-season mark for strikeouts per nine innings. Eric Gagne, who was later named in the Mitchell Report for using HGH, set the mark with an average of 14.98 Ks/9.

Marmol is currently averaging 15.94 Ks/9. The next highest among pitchers with at least 60 innings is Billy Wagner at 13.24. Shelved rookie Stephen Strasburg is the only starter among the top-seven in Ks/9…and we know how that worked out.

Since assuming the closer’s role in August 2009, Marmol has converted 90 percent of his opportunities (47-of-52). Marmol’s high-90s fastball is complimented by an unhittable slider that would have given Ted Williams fits. He has surrendered just two hits in September (a single to center by Mets rookie Ike Davis and an infield single by Padres catcher Yorvit Torrealba).

Batters are hitting a league-low .150 of Marmol and among pitchers with at least 60 innings, he’s tied with three others for fewest home runs allowed with one (Pedro Feliciano, Heath Bell and Jonny Venters are the others).

Despite Marmol’s heroics, the Cubs bullpen still ranks second to last in the NL.

It’s like having an awesome drummer, but the rest of the band sucks ass.