A Good Post Gone Bad

If you ever become a prominent athlete in Houston, apparently there is a very good chance of a meat product being named after you.

I discovered this not too long ago at a trip to the grocery store when I stumbled upon many of these said items in the meat aisle. (This whole post will be a long-running double entendre, so feel free to insert your jokes anywhere. Get it? Insert!)

Catching my eye first were two types of sausage that pitted the old-school NFL with the new-school NFL: Earl Campbell’s Hot Links and Vince Young’s Hot Links. Why, wouldn’t it be a fantastic idea to pit off these two in a taste-test and report the results to the world via the internets?

I certainly thought so, and eagerly purchased both in anticipation of my culinary experiment. See, I didn’t exactly know what a hot link was. I just figured it was a spicy hot dog. And then I got home and read the labels. Listed somewhat prominently in the list of ingredients: BEEF HEARTS.

Oh, my. That does not sound very tasty at all. Clearly I need to pay attention to these things before making purchases.

Luckily, there is a former athletic standout from Houston that did come through for me, and it wasn’t Tony Eusebio.

I would like to offer the highest possible recommendation for the fine product that is Nolan Ryan’s Sliders. Apparently the Ryan Express is into ranching these days, and it allows him to create a high-quality beef mini-burger patty. Seriously, they are pretty awesome for something that can be made microwave-ready in two minutes. Especially when covered in cheese and ranch dressing. It’s so good that even Robin Ventura would like them.