TheBaker’s Dozen: Favre, Swine Flu And Sonya Blade

1. I hate Brett Favre. I used to have an adversarial respect for him, being a Bears fan and all, but now this is just getting ridiculous. Talk about an attention whore. Oh, and Jay Glazer just bodyslammed the ESPN weasel trio of Schefter-Mortensen-Clayton at the same time, by not “reporting” Favre to Minnesota, only suggesting. Must be all that MMA training.

2. Never let Brian Roberts feel up your daughter. Because once he gets to second base, he’s just going to go ahead and take third. The Orioles second baseman is 13-for-13 this season stealing third base and leads the Majors with 72 third base thefts since the 2003 season. During that stretch, dad came home early only six times.

3. Stephen Strasburg should make sure the “Natinals” spelled his name right in that 4-year, $15 million-plus deal.

4. Nice work from Tim Kawakami of the San Jose Mercury News regarding Tim Cable’s alleged knockout blow of a fellow Raiders coach. Kawakami has experience when it comes to Raiders employees ready to throw down. We remember this, don’t we? Here’s what he wrote following the news of another bust up.

“We know that Cable refused to discuss his new UFC tactics after practice in Napa on Monday, saying three times that it was “an internal matter.” Internal bleeding? We know that New England, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh and every other team that has succeeded in the past six seasons somehow manages to keep the head coach from pummeling smaller assistants into a pulp. Meanwhile, the Raiders have lost 11 games or more in each of the past six seasons. Gee, you think there’s a relationship between losing and franchise-wide disarray?…This is just not normal stuff. This is a crazed franchise, no matter what the scared Raiders employees scream at everybody else. This is actually what makes them scream with such tortured cluelessness. Just ask anybody who used to work there and has now escaped. Some of them escaped with only psychic wounds. If they were lucky.”

5. Anybody who believes Eagles fans will shun the franchise for life because of the Michael Vick signing simply doesn’t understand Philadelphia’s adoration for the Iggles. My parents moved to Philly after I graduated college, and that city is obsessed. Trust me, if it comes down to the family dog or the Eagles, 75 percent of Philly takes the Birds.

6. How many fantasy football mock drafts are too many?

7. “Weeds” is flat out awful this season. Once the Botwins left Agrestic, this show took the gas. Luckily, there are only two episodes left. My attention has now shifted to HBO’s “Hung,” which serves as a Sunday night appetizer for “Entourage.” But again, “Weeds” blows. It’s never good when you wish half the cast would get snuffed out.

8. Landon Donovan played the U.S.-Mexico World Cup qualifier last week with swine flu. He supposedly caught it while in Miami. Who brings swine flu TO Mexico!? Only U.S. Soccer.

9. Michael Irvin, Chuck Lidell and Natalie Coughlin represent the athlete in the latest installment of “Dancing With The Stars.” My guess is Irvin lasts the longest among the trio, but in the end, Donny Osmond will take the crown. Never underestimate the Mormon voting bloc. If they can pass a law limiting each shot of hard-alcohol to one fluid ounce, anything is possible. Seriously, by law you cannot get a double in Utah, and you need a sponsor to get into an establishment that serves beverages with an alcohol content above 3.2 percent (they’re called “private clubs”).

10. Watching Gina Carano get pummeled by Cyborg Santos on Saturday was disturbing. I prefer my female fighting limited to Chun-Li and Sonya Blade.

11. A note to new coaches and managers, don’t lose your season opener 7-1 at home, especially in a sport when 1-1 is high scoring.

12. “Inglorious Basterds” looks like a mixture of “Defiance,” “Saving Private Ryan,” “Kill Bill,” and “Natural Born Killers.” I expect to gleefully cringe.

13. Lou Pinella can be put out to pasture.