Rock Out With Your Vote Out

As you are probably well aware of by now, this blog has been nominated as the best sports blog on the entire internets for 2008. Don’t ask how. We don’t like to ask questions ourselves.

Anyway, odds are you’ve seen the provocative ad campaign we’ve been running to attract potential voters. However, it occurred to me that some of our readers might not find hot chicks to be all that hot. So in an effort to run a more inclusive campaign, I’ve got some olive branches to send to all of you disenfranchised groups out there.

Ladies! Did you know Rick Moranis is 55 and single? And that he’s a major fan of our site? Really, we have photodocumentation of him on his computer, checking us out from his penthouse suite in downtown Regina. I swear, it’s somewhere.

Anyhow, should we win this competition, we guarantee one of you lucky ladies the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go on a date with Mr. Moranis. So get out and get voting!

Old people! If we win this competition, we’ll start making advertising revenue. Enough advertising revenue to pay for the first month’s service for your Jitterbug. That’s right, if we’re named Best Sports Blog, the first month is on us.

Diabetics! Did you know that Wilford Brimley checks out our site every day before he orders his testing supplies? I know what you’re thinking — what does Wilford Brimley care about sports?

Well, don’t forget that he was the manager in “The Natural.” And that he is also an avid fan of cockfighting. Seriously. I can’t make that up.

Gays! You like men! So do we! Everyone who contributes to this site has his own mancrush.

Hick Flick: Crafty Cubs southpaw Theodore Roosevelt Lilly. The break on his curveball is dreamy.

Phillips: USC coach Pete Carroll. Phillips would go gangbusters for him, if you catch our drift.

McD: Phillip Rivers. Direct quote: “He seems gentle.”

The Riot: Cubs third baseman Aramis Ramirez. “Clutch slugger and a baller with those shades on all the time.”

The Baker: Inter Milan soccer player Zlatan Ibrahimovic. “During the 2004 Euros, I referred to him as ‘My Adonis.’”

Occasional soccer writer and token UCLA fan Booter: Cesc Fabregas. He’s some footballer.

Lesbians! We once wrote a post on the WNBA!

Canadians! We’ve had three posts on hockey in the past week alone. Not bad for a bunch of hosers, eh?

Jamaicans! We love Usain Bolt! And one of us is qualified to be a Rastafarian! But I’m not going to name names.

Vegans! I’ll come up with something we have in common later.

Amish! If you’re reading this right now, you’re going to hell, just like us!

Well, I think that just about covers everyone we may have missed. So remember, get out there and vote! We support your cause!