The 2013 Un-Sportsmen of the Year

December 19, 2013 – 3:53 am by Hickey

Aaron Hernandez

Peyton Manning was named Sports Illustrated’s “Sportsman of the Year,” and it’s easy to see why. The man helped thousands of college students stave off starvation by forcing Papa John to give away all those free pizzas.

But who resides at the opposite end of this year’s sporting spectrum? The way we see it, there are plenty of scumbags in the sporting world who deserve just as much attention for their contributions as Peyton does for his. Here is our scoundrel’s Class of 2013 — the anti-sportsmen of the year.

Accused Murderers

Aaron Hernandez

Aaron Hernandez: It’s a pretty bad sign when you’re connected with a murder. It’s even worse when the cops aren’t sure just how many murders they need to connect you with.

The Patriots tight end is currently behind bars charged with the murder of Odin Lloyd. Lloyd was an acquaintance of Hernandez’s who was allegedly ready to implicate Hernandez for his role in a 2012 Boston double-homicide.

Amazingly, those aren’t the only times Hernandez has displayed an itchy trigger finger. He is also facing a lawsuit from a friend, Alexander Bradley, who claims Hernandez shot him in the face following a dispute between the two after they left a Miami strip club.

 

Oscar Pistorius

Oscar Pistorius: The first athlete to compete in both the Paralympic and Olympic Games was an inspiration to millions around the world — until he killed his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.

That much is indisputable. Pistorious’ defense is that he thought there was an intruder in his bathroom — after all, who doesn’t break into houses through the toilet? — and that he thought his girlfriend was in his bed. The prosecution maintains it was premeditated, which is what anyone with half a brain would also believe. We’ll find out which side is right in March.

 

Liars, Frauds and Cheats

Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong: In a January interview with Oprah, Lance finally came clean to admit he is one of the great douches of this century.

The disgraced former Tour de France champion doped his way to every one of his seven victories, lied about it, and then bullied anyone who ever tried to unveil the truth behind his chicanery. His attempt to garner sympathy with Oprah instead gave off the impression he was the world’s fastest sociopath on two wheels.

 

Ryan Braun

Ryan Braun: Baseball fans seem to be pretty forgiving about steroid users, provided they actually fess up to their transgressions. But when they pull a Ryan Braun, all bets are off.

When Braun was first dinged for steroid use in 2012, he successfully appealed the charges on a technicality while attacking the character of the ordinary guy who collected his urine sample, Dino Laurenzi. Basically, Braun doubled down. But when Braun was proven as a user once again in this year’s Biogenesis scandal, we learned that he is both a liar and a douchebag. Not a good look, bro.

 

Alex Rodriguez

Alex Rodriguez: Implicated in the same scandal as Braun, A-Rod faces a record 211-game suspension for his steroid use. Instead of being defensive, he’s gone on the offensive, accusing commissioner Bud Selig of having a personal vendetta against him. Maybe is holding that grudge because you’re a tool, Alex.

 

Racists

Riley Cooper

Riley Cooper: Denied backstage access to a Kenny Chesney concert at Lincoln Financial Field this summer, Cooper threatened a security guard with the proclamation “I will fight every N—-r here, bro!

Many of us would have loved to see how things might have turned out had he made the same threat at a Kanye West show. Cooper merely found himself in a bit of hot water and has gone on to have the best season of his career with the Eagles.

 

Richie Incognito

Richie Incognito: The Dolphins offensive lineman has been suspended by the team for the rest of the year as they investigate his role in alleged bullying that caused fellow lineman Jonathan Martin to leave the team.

Among the things Incognito did was leave Martin a light-hearted voicemail in which he threatened to sh*t in the mouth of the “half-n—- piece of sh*t.”

Incognito said he isn’t racist, and that’s just how he and Martin communicated. Maybe he isn’t a racist. But he is definitely a douche.

 

Dirtbag Cheap-shot Artists

Raffi Torres

Raffi Torres: The only hockey player to make Ogie Oglethrope look like a saint was suspended for the second straight postseason, this time for a game-ending hit he put on Kings forward Jarret Stoll.

In the 2012 playoffs, Torres was suspended for 25 games for an elbow-to-head hit against Blackhawks forward Marian Hossa.

Karma has struck back this season as Torres has been sidelined due to a torn ACL.

 

Brandon Meriweather

Brandon Meriweather: The NFL’s pre-eminent deliverer of cheap shots is in rare form this season.

He knocked Green Bay running back Eddie Lacy out of a game and was fined $42,000 for a helmet-to-helmet hit. He was then suspended for a game after targeting the head of Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall.

His response?

“To be honest, you’ve just got to go low” said the Redskins safety. “You gotta end people’s careers. You gotta tear their ACLs. Mess up people’s knees. You can’t go high anymore.”

 

General A-holes

Mike Rice

Mike Rice: The Rutgers basketball coach was fired after video surfaced of him firing basketballs at the back of his players’ heads during practice.

Need we say more?

 

Dan Snyder

Dan Snyder: The Washington owner’s steadfast belief that his team’s name is in no way racist is best explained by a professor.

Then there’s the whole matter of him being such a horrible person to work for that coach Mike Shanahan was prepared to quit last season even though the team made the playoffs. At least Shanahan will get his wish this year.

 

Vainglorious Dolts

Dennis Rodman Kim Jong Un

Dennis Rodman: The Worm fancies himself a potential Nobel Peace Prize candidate while being used as a propaganda tool by North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong Un. Apparently Jack Haley should still be babysitting this guy.

 

Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow: Remember the guy Peyton Manning replaced in Denver? Apparently he has played his last down of football.

Despite there being a passage or two in the Bible about having too much pride, Tebow has chosen to ignore the overtures of NFL teams to switch positions (to be fair, as a virgin he might not know much about changing positions) and CFL teams to be a quarterback.

Rather than adapt (to be fair, he probably doesn’t believe in evolution), Tebow has taken his ball and gone home, ultimately depriving those who enjoyed seeing him on a football field of what they want.

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  1. 39 Responses to “The 2013 Un-Sportsmen of the Year”

  2. Hey, you jock sniffers, lay off the Redskins.

    By Doc Savage on Dec 20, 2013

  3. What’s the deal with taking a shot at Tebow? I guess you needed one more athlete to round out your article, and Tebow was a convenient target. Since when does he have to play a position he doesn’t want? If he chooses to retire, who are you to complain? When your editor decides that you’d make a better janitor than writer (no offense, you professional custodians out there), will you willingly make the change? Get ready, ‘cuz when your boss gets around to reading your lazy reporting, he just might offer you the job…

    By Stone on Dec 20, 2013

  4. Nobody cares what you think !!!! HICKEY – UN SPROTSWRITER OF THE YEAR !!

    By Art on Dec 20, 2013

  5. Dude…you put Tim Tebow on the same list as Aaron Hernandez…YOU ARE AN IDIOT. Not only are the people on this list wrong for society but db writers who want to take a shot at Tebow for being a good guy.

    By Brendan Lennon on Dec 20, 2013

  6. Lay off Tebow. His virginity is something to be proud of, not laughed at. And furthermore, he’s holding out for what he believes in, something else to be applauded for. I’m sick of seeing loser sports writers attack this guy’s character. You know nothing of Tebow or the Bible for that matter. Who are you to say someone’s NFL career is over? You know nothing.

    By matthew snider on Dec 21, 2013

  7. Hickey: I usually don’t reply to trash. Tebow is known for what he is. WHO ARE YOU?? History won’t remember YOU!

    By Art Ryan on Dec 21, 2013

  8. Your comments on Tebow are rather stupid. First of all, Tebow took Denver further in the playoffs than Manning; until Manning gets past the first round he should not be hailed as the savior. Remember, he has only won one championship in the past. Secondly, only idiots attack others for dispaying good character. Tebow has handled himself with grace and class through out.

    By Lowell Nicholl on Dec 22, 2013

  9. All this from a perfect person who can trash anyone and everyone he feels like because he has the media outlet to do so. I guess this makes you feel better? Making any money out of trashing everyone? Excuse me, but I believe that is why you do it for the money and exposure. Your an ASS and an IDIOT.

    By Steve Rickart on Dec 22, 2013

  10. Are you serious about Tebow? Placing him on a list that included murderers, compulsive liars, cheats, individuals that at the least have terrible decision making skills and at the worst are racist and for what? A list that you call your list of scumbags! Are you trying to get a response from people like me that have no idea who you are. Or is it that you just have a warped since of right and wrong? What ever your malfunction is you are listed as a sports reporter and that is a joke! To use your own words again sir you are definitely a douche.

    By Bret Hyland on Dec 22, 2013

  11. Since when is it ok to make fun of people for being religious and a virgin? He is a good guy and was a great Quarterback so if he wants to retire that is his business. Why is he on this list?

    By Olivia Tuttle on Dec 22, 2013

  12. Tim Tebow was great!! Young and a “CHRISTIAN”..

    By Marie Czarnecki on Dec 23, 2013

  13. OK, to ask what might have happened if Riley Copper had made his racist comment at a Kanye West show, instead at Kenny Chesney’s show, in my opinion, is almost just as racists as what Cooper said! Why would you wonder such a thing? Is it because a Kanye shows are filled with more black folks than a Chesney show? That’s a pretty ignorant assumption – especially when you appear to be unclear of who Kanye’s primary fan base. If you did your homework, you’d know how similar your comment is with Cooper’s truly is!

    By Soto on Dec 23, 2013

  14. are you serious? I agree with the comments below me . Dude you need a new career because those tebow comments were a real low blow . If tebow won’t kick your ass for it .i pray to god I don’t see you . FIRE THIS GUY IMMEDIATELY.!!

    By Delio on Dec 23, 2013

  15. What a scumbag move putting Tebow on this list. If no one else will say it? I will. Fuck you, dude. This article needs abolished and you need fired you untalented piece of shit.

    By Ray on Dec 23, 2013

  16. Fired? What about freedom of speech?

    By Phil Robertson on Dec 24, 2013

  17. So Tebow has thrown a bratty fit in effect saying “If they won’t let me play quarterback, then I won’t play at all. Does he not know that he is not a good enough QB to start on any of the top ten NCAA football teams? He is slow making decisions, can’t read the defense at all, can’t throw deep and really has no quarterback skills much at all. But he might do very well at another position if he weren’t a quitter.

    By Bruce Barto on Dec 24, 2013

  18. tebow did nothing wrong but you want to crucify him as a bad man.. lets all go after gays muslims and anyone else who does not fit your profile.. what an idiot you are.. did you get your diploma in journalism at dumbs are us… university?????

    By robert Jette on Dec 24, 2013

  19. Tebow is a bible beating douchebag, he belongs on this list for being a media whore even though he’s the worst qb since Ryan Leaf retired. He uses his so called “good guy” act to get attention. If there is a God he doesn’t want u using him to boost your career. The Redskins is a word, it’s not racist, Natives don’t care at all, you ever been to a reservation in Montana? The least of their problems is the name of a football team. You people have no grasp on reality.

    By tony speranza on Dec 25, 2013

  20. You are a complete asshole.

    By ron sirmans on Dec 25, 2013

  21. This was probably easier than it should have been. In all of professional sports today there is an overabundance of candidates for “anti-sportsman of the year”. I imagine that it’s a combination of the money and the attention. The ESPN 30 for 30 show says a alot. One year after retiring, 75% of all football players are broke. In basketball it takes 75%, who retire, a whole 3 years to be broke. This is typical of the behavior many exhibit. Thank God for March Madness.

    By michael m. on Dec 25, 2013

  22. Tim Tebow has proven that he has character and integrity which are two traits that are obviously in short supply in the writer’s profession.

    By WD on Dec 25, 2013

  23. I and 100 % sure that all YANKEE fans hope a-fraud never sees another second on a baseball diamond… unless it`s a prison diamond where bonds belongs…. also be a MAN a-rod, own-up you cowardly cheat… p.s. can you tell I can`t stand him… never have

    By mel on Dec 25, 2013

  24. WD, your comment re. Tim Tebow is well stated. In my opinion, character and integrity are paramount in making a comment about another person whether it be in sports, entertainment, and other industries which include high profile persons. There’s no useful purpose in putting down a person who exhibits these valuable traits.

    By John P. Jackson on Dec 26, 2013

  25. Ok I hope everyone knows that responses 2-10 as well as many others in Tebow’s favor were posted from the same IP address. So that means that there is either a lot of people using one computer somewhere or some dude is just making up a bunch of fake names and posting the same message to make it seem like a lot of people like Tebow. Unfortunately this site does not require you to be signed in to post a comment so that lets one person make up as many fake names as he wants. I just think it is funny that this guy likes how moral and Christan Tebow is but he is willing to lie and make up a bunch of fake names and posts.

    By Fakename McFakerson on Dec 26, 2013

  26. Addition of Tebow disappointing.

    By Clark on Dec 26, 2013

  27. Hard to believe that “manly” sports-guy is so incredibly afraid of a guy like Tebow who at least has the guts to stand up for what he believes. Whether he retires or not is absolutely no body’s business but his. You, mocking his beliefs speaks for another weakness you perpetrate by hiding behind your keyboard.
    Big shock here, it’s still a free country!

    By Billy C on Dec 26, 2013

  28. So Tebow gets trashed because he is a good guy but does not have NFL skills. Meanwhile, a star QB (Winston) who sexually assaults a woman is okay in your book.

    By Bill on Dec 26, 2013

  29. Poking fun at Tebow really lands you first on this list you have created. In fact, I’m surprise that you are not fired for saying such inappropriate and childish comments on the website. Tebow should be praised for living up to his beliefs, not laughed at. This is an insult to Christians who want to live as Jesus lives.

    By Petia on Dec 26, 2013

  30. Posted my comments under my own name and my own account.

    By Petia Tuisalogo on Dec 26, 2013

  31. Tebow deserves to be laughed at for being a Virgin by choice and the guy is 24??
    Live your life, man!!!
    I’m glad he’s gone, I coudn’t stand the goody-two-shoes of the US saying he’s a great guy because he is a virgin and a christian. Neither of those things make you a good person, takes much more than that.

    By Satanico on Dec 27, 2013

  32. Am I making explicitly making fun of Tebow because he is a Christian athlete? No. You want a Christian athlete to look up to? Give me Kurt Warner, who never gave up on his dream to make it in the league even as he worked as a stock boy. Give me Jon Kitna, who donated his pay check from his one game with the Cowboys this season to the low-income area high school where he works as a teacher in his post-NFL career.

    I’m just lampooning the things Tebow is celebrated for since it makes him above criticism in the eyes of so many. The guy’s a quitter, and only because he had too much pride to give anything else a chance. I don’t think that’s a virtue. Clearly he has little in common with the others on the list, but his most fervent supporters have trouble remembering he is just a man like the rest of us who aren’t women. Sometimes they need a reminder.

    By Hickey on Dec 30, 2013

  33. You can’t find anything worse to say about Tebow but he is a Christian and a virgin? Guess you would rather have some of the other “heroes” in sports locked in a room with you wife, sister or daughter. No, he is not good enough to be an NFL QB at this time, maybe never. You show your own bias listing him with the others. There will come a day when you will know why he stands for what he does. Hopefully, in this life and not too late.

    By Mike C on Dec 31, 2013

  34. “Dirtbag cheap-shot artist.” That’s rich coming from the author of this article. Could you possibly have your head further up your ass? Sensationalism on steroids.

    By Keiffer D on Dec 31, 2013

  35. These athletes should form some kind of All Star team. Snyder can coach since he is an obnoxious know it all.

    By garbageboy on Dec 31, 2013

  36. Tim Tebow?? Really? He is a model of what a man should be and you put him in the same class as murders?

    By Vance Stewart on Dec 31, 2013

  37. Tebow has always said that if football didn’t work out, he would go into the ministry. Tebow is not perfect, but didn’t deserve being included in this grouping. Plenty of “players” out there who won’t give anything back to their communities, are rude to kids wanting to get autographs, etc. “Cheap shot” sum it up perfectly.

    By Dave Cason on Jan 2, 2014

  38. I am a Christian and I love football, I think my fellow Christians forget that Tim Tebow isn’t the ONLY Christian in the NFL, my problem with Tebow is he is NOT a good NFL QB, I am sure he is a good Christian…but I don’t think he will ever be a good QB.

    By Mark on Jan 2, 2014

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