Wrestlemania XXIX is in the books and we have all the results for you. Check them out after the jump.
Pre-Show: Wade Barret (c) vs. The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship
Winner: The Miz (new Intercontinental Champion) via figure four leg lock
Miz wins with the figure-four. That sentence was more interesting than the actual match. Remember when the Intercontinental Title actually meant something?
Six-Man tag team match: The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns) vs. Randy Orton, Sheamus, and The Big Show
Winner: The Shield via spear by Roman Reigns
Solid opening match, but Shield matches are starting to feature some of the same spots again, and I don’t mean repeated moves. I mean the opponent-finisher-to-spear-to-pin sequence they’ve used in their last like three matches. Still, the right team won for story purposes. Except there was no other story to go with this match. The expected heel turn for Sheamus or Orton never came, and instead we got Big Show just staying heel. No swerve. No nothing.
WWE is going to have to do something with The Shield because being the best three-man tag team in history is a pretty f-ing minor accomplishment. We actually might need to see if these guys are good wrestlers without Reigns there to spear some one out of trouble at some point.
Ryback vs. Mark Henry
Winner: Mark Henry via falling on top of Ryback
This match went exactly like it should have, with Ryback losing clean but still looking strong. He had Mizark up on his shoulders for the Shell Shocked but Henry grabbed the ropes and fell on top of Ryback. Ryback still got his moment when Henry came back in the ring after the match to try to hurt him further and got the big pop for actually Shellshocking Henry. Which I have to say is pretty damned impressive. But why couldn’t Ryback lift Tensai then? Still doesn’t make sense months later.
The crowd was 100 percent pro-Henry the entire way through. They popped for Ryback Rybacking him at the end, but they were definitely not on Ryback’s side. Heel turn? Heel turn.
Tag Team Championship Match: Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan and Kane) (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston
Winner: Team Hell No via chokeslam into flying heatbutt
I know everyone is going to focus on Daniel Bryan getting his Wrestlemania moment, which included a semi-reenactment of last year’s 18 second loss to Sheamus. And honestly, I feel great for him. There was even a huge YES-YES-YES chant with Bryan and the crowd after the match. Hopefully it wasn’t too awkward for whoever was with With Leather’s Brandon Stroud when he had an orgasm.
But the real winner here is Big E Langston. He looked like a monster the entire match. The flip side of this, of course, is that Dolph Ziggler got pinned and (UNSHOCKING SPOILER ALERT) he didn’t cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase later in the night either. So yeah, good Wrestlemania for him.
Chris Jericho vs. Fandango
Winner: Fandango via rollup
A botch at the end kind of tainted the whole thing, which sucks because it was a pretty solid match. But even though Fandango was put in this match with Jericho specifically because Jericho makes everyone look good and hasn’t had a bad match in years, it was Jericho’s botch on the Lionsault that screwed up the end. He was supposed to land on
Johnny Curtis’s Fandango’s knees on the Lionsault and, I assume, get rolled up after that. Instead he missed Fandango almost entirely and had to go for the Walls of Jericho and fake a knee injury from the missed Lionsault. Crap ending to a great match. Johnny Curtis shut every single dick fan up for sure.
World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Jack Swagger
Winner: Alberto Del Rio via cross armbreaker
For whatever reason, this gets a meh from me. The crowd was certainly at its quietest for this match. My theory is that many WWE fans are too embarrassed to say they agree with Zeb Colter so they sit on their hands. Besides, anything Colter says still isn’t as racist as your average Sheamus promo with Del Rio, or any WWE pimp character ever, so whatever.
The Undertaker vs. C.M. Punk
Winner: The Undertaker via Tombstone Piledriver
The Undertaker is now 21-0 with all signs pointing to another match next year at Wrestlemania XXX. C.M. Punk busted his ass in this match, including hitting his leg pretty dang hard on the Spanish-language announcers’ table when he Macho Man elbowed ‘Taker from the top rope. The Undertaker’s agility was actually pretty surprising given everything I’ve heard about his deteriorating physical condition. He moved well enough and took some solid bumps along the way.
There was no way ‘Taker was ever losing this match, but Punk made it a show for sure. The repeated counters to finishers were things of beauty. Better than what Rock and Cena would do later in the night, even, mainly because they didn’t over do it. There were two sequences featuring at least three separate counters to finishing moves. Rock/Cena did it about 500 times, so by the end everyone saw the counters coming.
Honestly, I hope The Undertaker wrestles forever. The man is the best ever.
Brock Lesnar vs. Triple-H
Winner: Triple-H via Pedigree on ring steps
Lesnar oversold it a little, but this was an exceptionally violent match. Lesnar was covered in welts just halfway through and Trips took several bumps on the floor and ring steps that even the younger guys won’t do.
The two triple-kimura spots were cool, and the finish makes it likely that this story isn’t over yet. Lesnar didn’t look weak at all even in losing, though they’ve gone to that well a couple of times now with him losing similar matches to Triple-H and Cena, so I expect Lesnar will harm some one else next time. Which, God, I hope is in some kind of stable with Punk even though that’s a pipe dream because Lesnar is a part-timer.
WWE Championship: The Rock (c) vs. John Cena
Winner: Cena (new champion) via Attitude Adjustment
Like I said earlier, there were a crap-ton of finisher-reversals in this match which were cool enough, except Punk and ‘Taker had done it better earlier in the night. That said, when Cena pretended like he was going for the People’s Elbow just like last year and then tricked The Rock into trying the same finish while Cena held onto the ropes and smirked was about as good as in-match storytelling is going to get. Great Cena matches all kind of follow the same pattern, and this one did too, but certain guys like Rock and Punk make it much, much more dramatic.
The crowd was 95 percent anti-Cena, to the point that Cena actually glowered at the camera before attitudinally adjusting The Rock. Of course, he didn’t turn even a little heel after the match. Instead, he took the classy route, let Rock have his post-match in-ring moment with the crowd, and then raised his hand on the ramp as the final fireworks sounded.
I know everyone says this and most people recognize its stupidity anyway, but damn I hate it when the announcers say things like Cena will be the “Jim Kelly of the WWE” if he had lost to the Rock. Before Sunday, Cena had won the WWE title 10 freaking times. If he’d lost again to The Rock, it really just means he isn’t quite as good as The Rock. Sort of like how Peyton Manning isn’t quite as much of a winner as Tom Brady, but screw it because they both won at least one Super Bowl and are the two best quarterbacks of their era. So whatever comeback crap the announcers say again on Monday Night RAW, just remember how much of a winner Cena actually is and continues to be.
Overall, this was a pretty great show, despite what the Internet smarks might be saying on With Leather’s comment board Sunday night. Most of the matches ended in ways that made sense for the overall storyline. While there wasn’t a huge swerve, the matches were great, and you’re probably getting a heel Ryback out of the deal. So hey, just four weeks ’til Extreme Rules. LOL, yeah, no, I’m not paying for that.