Houston Astros Make SS Correa MLB’s No. 1 Pick

June 5, 2012 – 3:28 am by Hickey

The Houston Astros decided they weren’t going to pass on a talented shortstop with the top pick in the draft this time around.

Houston took Puerto Rican (or in the words of Bud Selig, Porto Rican) shortstop Carlos Correa with the No. 1 draft pick on Monday night, apparently attempting to avoid the mistake it made the last time it picked first by taking Phil Nevin ahead of Derek Jeter 20 years ago. Jeter, of course, is a future Hall of Famer and the cornerstone of the Yankees’ franchise revival of the mid-90s to present, while Nevin is generally regarded one of the biggest douchebags to put on a baseball uniform — and thus one of the biggest douchebags to put on any article of clothing.

The Astros are obviously high on Correa, who at 17 is probably at least three years away from The Show.

Will he be a star once he gets there?

A look back at the top picks since the ‘Stros took Nevin in 1992 reveals mixed bag of stars and busts.

1992 — Phil Nevin, Astros: Nevin was worthless to the Astros, getting traded to the Tigers a month after getting demoted to Triple-A with a .117 batting average and then bitching to manager Terry Collins and GM Bob Watson about the move.

He made the All-Star Game with the Padres in 2001 with a 41-homer campaign, but also led the league in errors by third basemen.

1993 — Alex Rodriguez, Mariners: Have you seen Seattle’s offense since he left?

1994- Paul Wilson, Mets: Got his ass kicked by Kyle Farnsworth one time. And that’s about it.

1995- Darin Erstad, Angels: Made two All-Star teams, won three Gold Gloves and helped the Angels win their first World Series. Not a bad deal at all.

1996- Kris Benson, Pirates: The pick didn’t work out so well for the Pirates, but it sure did for Benson. He got to marry a slammin’ piece of ass.

1997- Matt Anderson, Tigers: From Wikipedia, “In May 2002, Anderson tore a muscle in the armpit of his throwing arm after participating in an octopus-throwing contest in hopes of winning Detroit Red Wings playoff tickets.After returning from the injury, he was unable to hit 90 mph on his fastball in his remaining days in Detroit, after regularly topping 100 mph on the radar gun, including a high mark of 103 mph twice.”

Never, ever, EVER allow your top pick to throw an octopus.

1998- Pat Burrell, Phillies: According to baseballreference.com, the player he most closely resembled over the course of his career was Jeromy Burnitz. Decent, but certainly not worthy of a top pick. The best first-round pick of this draft went to the Indians at No. 20 in the large form of C.C. Sabathia.

1999- Josh Hamilton, Devil Rays: When he’s not on drugs, he’s the best hitter in the game. Unfortunately for Tampa, he was exclusively on drugs while in their organization.

2000- Adrian Gonzalez, Marlins: Another top pick who was clearly worth it, albeit not for the team that actually drafted him. The Marlins sent him to the Rangers organization in ’03 for Ugueth Urbina, who helped them win a World Series before matcheteing some guys.

2001- Joe Mauer, Twins: They took Mauer because he was a hometown kid and seen as more signable than hot-shot pitcher Mark Prior. They chose wisely.

2002- Bryan Bullington, Pirates: So if you had the top pick in the draft in any sport, WHY THE F*CK WOULD YOU PICK A GUY FROM BALL STATE? Oh yeah, because your organization is run by cheap bastards. Poor guy didn’t deserve to be taken first and get our scrutiny, but the Bucs gave him no choice in the matter. Bullington currently plays for the Hiroshima Carp. Really. But he got a few cups of coffee in the bigs.

2003- Delmon Young, Devil Rays: If you like to build your team around guys who will throw bats at umpires and drunkenly threaten Jews on the street, Delmon Young is your guy.

2004- Matt Bush, Padres: This guy makes Phil Nevin and Delmon Young look like Mormon Tabernacle choirboys. Perhaps the biggest piece of sh#t to ever come out of anywhere (Non-Murderer Or Rapist Division), Bush was arrested for an underage bar fight the month he was drafted.

That was mere window-dressing for the rest of his career.

In 2009, the Padres released Bush shortly after he assaulted two high school lacrosse players and proclaimed “I’m Matt F*cking Bush” before fleeing the scene.

It wasn’t the first time he fled a crime scene. This March, somehow hanging on with the Rays organization, Bush was arrested for hit-and-run DUI. He is alleged to have hit a 72-year-old motorcyclist, run over said motorcyclist’s head, then fled from the scene while driving a teammate’s SUV.

Two weeks ago, Bush pleaded not guilty to the charges and is being held on $440,000 bail. His attorney says he only has $2,000 left in his bank account. He signed for $3.15 million. I think we can safely say Bush is not only the most worthless No. 1 pick in MLB history, but in the history of all sports.

Actually, he may just be the most worthless person in all of current humanity.

2005- Justin Upton, Diamondbacks: I don’t think you could find a bigger difference in output between a No.1 pick from one year to the next.

2006- Luke Hochevar, Royals: He’s the Royals ace? Maybe? The Royals have a 3 of Diamonds moreso than an Ace.

2007- David Price, Devil Rays: Price is already a two-time All-Star.

2008- Tim Beckham, Rays: Wow. It’s easy to forget what a crappy organization this once was. And Beckham may be the last link to those days. This May, he received a 50-game suspension in the minors for his second positive drug test.

2009- Stephen Strasburg, Nationals: You may have heard of this guy.

2010- Bryce Harper, Nationals: You also may have heard of this guy.

2011: Gerit Cole, Pirates: If he’s not pitching for the Carp in 10 years, the Pirates have made progress.

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