NFL Week 2: Observations and Such

September 20, 2011 – 1:44 am by Hickey

Lots of things happened in the NFL this weekend. Here are my quick thoughts on the ones I paid attention to.

Mike Martz is a GD, MF-ing idiot. After Matt Forte gashed through the Saints defense on the Bears’ second possession of the game, Martz decided it would be a good time to stop running the ball entirely. And that’s not an exaggeration. The Bears ran the ball 11 times in the game, the second-lowest total in franchise history. And it wasn’t as if they had to abandon the run because they fell behind early — they trailed 16-13 midway through the third quarter, and by that time it was still abundantly obvious they weren’t going to try running the ball.

Instead, Martz thought it would be a better idea to fling the ball over the place despite the fact the Bears have assembled one of the worst lines of protection since Maginot. Poor Jay Cutler (I never thought I’d write “poor” in front of the name Jay Cutler) never had a chance. He must have felt something like a couple of other famous JC’s — J. Christ and J. Caesar — when they realized they’d been betrayed by people they had trusted. The Bears’ gameplan against an aggressive Saints defense basically amounted to an assassination attempt. If it’s not scrapped for the Packer game this upcoming Sunday, Cutler will look like Ricardo Montalban in the final scene of The Naked Gun.

– Having attended the game in person, I must say that the Superdome is much louder for Saints games than Tulane games.

– I don’t ask the good Lord to provide much in my life, so I feel that I can get away with asking for a favor here and maybe having a chance of seeing it come true: Our Father, who art in Heaven, please give us a Buffalo-Detroit Super Bowl in Indianapolis. Please.

– Speaking of the Colts, Jeff George has thrown his hat in the ring to be the quarterback that saves the team’s playoff chances. This, of course, is like the fifth-straight year that George has begged for some team to bring him out of retirement. He’s like Brett Favre, only more desperate to be noticed. And presumably without any dong pics floating around.

– The “KC” on the Chiefs’ helmets needs to be changed to a “KS” immediately. (KS standing for “Kansas Shitty.”) It’s bad enough to be outscored 89-10 in the first two weeks of the regular season. But to have it happen against the Bills and Lions? Holy crap. My money is on Todd Haley getting Josh McDanielsed by the end of the season. Spectacular start, spectacular flame-out.

– If it wasn’t bad enough that Chiefs leading rusher Jamaal Charles tore his ACL falling out-of-bounds, consider the fact that in the process of tearing his ACL he managed to have the Lions mascot fall onto him. I’m guessing this won’t be surpassed in the category of “Most Embarrassing Way To Go Out” this season. (As an aside, this injury at least made me aware that the Lions mascot is named Roary).

– The only thing less likely than typing “Poor Jay Cutler?” How about “Badass Tony Romo?”

Despite a cracked rib and punctured lung, Romo returned to the Cowboys’ game at San Fransisco and led them to the overtime win. Though I definitely wonder whether he would have done so if he hadn’t blown the game for Dallas against the Jets a week ago to unleash a torrent of criticism, you can’t help but admire his guts on Sunday. In the words of Wes Mantooth, I straight-up hate you. But goddamn it,  I respect you.

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  1. 5 Responses to “NFL Week 2: Observations and Such”

  2. This might sound homerish, but the Colts should pull a deal with the Panthers for Clausen. With the OHMYGODCAMNEWTONISJESUSINAHELMET hype that’s come with the first two weeks of the season, there’s no way Jimjim ever sees the field in Charlotte ever again. Not even in garbage time. At least in Indy, Jimjim has someone to throw to, which he never had last year in the season before being rolled under the CAMNEWTONCANHAZMAIBEHBEHS bus.

    If Fetushead were to come back, then Jimjim can be groomed as his understudy. Peyton kept coming to South Bend while the great Weis hype was still there, so there is a familiarity there between the two. If not, then Jimjim can maybe grow into a decent quarterback if given the chances, a coach who isn’t a lame duck, and something resembling and offense.

    By MJenks on Sep 20, 2011

  3. Oh, and I forgot to say: At least Clausen can’t be worse than Kerry Collins, Jeff George or Curtis Painter. I mean, he probably could, but he’d have to work at it.

    By MJenks on Sep 20, 2011

  4. Oh boy, are you right on with Jay Cutler and Ricardo Montalban. I sure hope it does not happen that way, but the possibilites with the Bears are endless. Hopefully they all come to play!

    By BeautysWBrains on Sep 21, 2011

  5. We have Colts fans openly pining for Jimmy Clausen. Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2011 Indianapolis Colts!

    Speaking of jackasses like Jeff George, how could you not mention Michael Boley whipping a football at an innocent guy’s face and acting like nothing happened?

    By Cousin Charlie on Sep 21, 2011

  6. Nononononononononononono. I just opined the Clausen move because I’m familiar with both franchises (and fanbases).

    Keep Clausen away from my team, thankyouverymuch. Although Aaron Rogers did somehow manage to shake off the curse of Tedford Quarterbacks AND the curse of the Levi’s Jeans, so maybe even Clausen could be underped in Green Bay.

    But, still, no thank you.

    By MJenks on Sep 22, 2011

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