With the amount of ranked teams on their schedule, I’m not surprised fourth-ranked LSU’s football players are having trouble sleeping at night. They only have three guaranteed wins on the whole schedule, and I’m sure they’ll find a way to make the Ole Miss game needlessly close.
Which is why I’m not necessarily surprised a bunch of LSU players were (allegedly) involved in a bar fight last Friday night, Texas State Armadillos style. No word yet on whether quarterback Jordan Jefferson showed one of his new acquaintances his “throwing hand” before sucker punching him to no effect.
Nonetheless, police are looking to question the alleged “quarterback” in relation to the incident, since several witnesses saw him and other players involved with the fight.
As usual, the rest of LSU’s players were a merciless band of ogres hell-bent on destroying medieval villages and drinking massive amounts of mead, sending four people to the hospital with various injuries.
Head coach Les Miles is saying all the right things to the press as well: that his players will be dealt with appropriately, even possibly resulting in suspensions for their season-opener against Oregon. Frankly, I can’t think of too many head coaches who I would want handling this situation more than Miles. He may not be teaching game theory any time soon, but he’s so old-school that he’s surely got some sort of football/Spanish Inquisition hybrid punishment lined up for his players.
At this point, I have to quote another legendary coach because I think it applies to Jordan Jefferson:
“You see Sanka, the driver has to work harder than anyone. He’s the first to show up, and the last to leave. When his buddies are all out drinking beer, he’s up in his room studying pictures of turns. You see, a driver must remain focused one hundred percent at all times. Not only is he responsible for knowing every inch of every course he races, he’s also responsible for the lives of the other men in the sled. Now do you want that responsibility?”
The difference between Jordan Jefferson and the Jamaican bobsled team in the movie Cool Runnings is that at least the Jamaican bobsled team didn’t have a track record of being truly awful at their chosen athletic endeavor. They were first-timers. We’ve known Jefferson sucks for three years.
How much of Jefferson’s awfulness is his fault remains to be seen, but the statistics speak for themselves. He was absolutely horrible in 2010. Even the 9-4 season in 2009 looks much, much better on paper than it was in reality.
So a quarterback with this much to prove is breaking curfew and getting into fights, which I would bet actually got started in true Matt LoVecchio fashion with a drunken fan telling Jefferson he should try throwing the ball to his own team (read the eighth paragraph).
Jefferson should have been home looking at pictures of turns and worrying about Oregon while his buddies were breaking curfew and out drinking beer. Or at least contemplating how he is the one quarterback always brought up when people wonder whether Terrelle Pryor is a good quarterback or not: “Well, at least he doesn’t suck as bad as Jordan Jefferson.”