15 Ways To Describe The Mariners

July 25, 2011 – 2:53 am by Hickey

The Seattle Mariners set a franchise record with their 15th-straight loss Sunday — a damn impressive feat for a team that finished below .500 its first 13 seasons.

In wake of the losing streak, and with all apologies to Paul Simon, we’ve decided there must be 15 ways to describe the Mariners.

You could say that they suck, Chuck. Can’t hit worth a shit, Mitt. Don’t know how to play, Clay. Can’t get on base, Ace. Just listen to me.

I know that they blow, Joe. Couldn’t beat their meat, Pete. Swing and a miss, Chris. Need a new boss, Ross. Can’t catch the ball, Paul.

There must be 15 ways to describe the Mariners.

Yes they’re quite bad, Vlad. Should be in Triple-A, Jay. Inept with the bat, Pat. Don’t know how to pitch, Mitch. Ain’t got no ‘pen, Len. Never gonna win, Lynn.

Yes, there must be 15 ways to describe the Mariners.

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  1. 3 Responses to “15 Ways To Describe The Mariners”

  2. They’re the Western Cubs, Bubs.

    By MJenks on Jul 26, 2011

  3. They’re the Northern Padres, Andres…

    By Ryan Phillips on Jul 26, 2011

  4. They are all destined for Double AA or maybe a couple of them could play in Triple A. One or two of them are major league caliber (Hernandez) Nice job of accumulating a bunch of less than major league players. Way to go Z. The only way these guys will play on a winning team is if they get traded to a contender.

    By Dean Taylor on Jul 26, 2011

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