The Seattle Mariners set a franchise record with their 15th-straight loss Sunday — a damn impressive feat for a team that finished below .500 its first 13 seasons.
In wake of the losing streak, and with all apologies to Paul Simon, we’ve decided there must be 15 ways to describe the Mariners.
You could say that they suck, Chuck. Can’t hit worth a shit, Mitt. Don’t know how to play, Clay. Can’t get on base, Ace. Just listen to me.
I know that they blow, Joe. Couldn’t beat their meat, Pete. Swing and a miss, Chris. Need a new boss, Ross. Can’t catch the ball, Paul.
There must be 15 ways to describe the Mariners.
Yes they’re quite bad, Vlad. Should be in Triple-A, Jay. Inept with the bat, Pat. Don’t know how to pitch, Mitch. Ain’t got no ‘pen, Len. Never gonna win, Lynn.
Yes, there must be 15 ways to describe the Mariners.