Why Iran Can’t Have The Bomb

March 1, 2011 – 12:34 am by Hickey

It’s not often that we delve into global politics here at Rumors and Rants, but Iran’s recent actions have made it unavoidable. Quite frankly, there’s no way anyone should ever allow these people to have nuclear technology, or for that matter anything more powerful than a musket.

Why’s that?

On Monday it was revealed that Iran has threatened to boycott the 2012 Olympic Games in London because they claim that the logo spells the word “Zion,” thus making it part of a pro-Israeli conspiracy.

Now had the Iranians come up with a logical argument, like “We refuse to participate in the Olympics because the logo looks like it was designed by a 3-year-old whose mother was a crack addict,” or “We’re offended because this logo looks like Lisa Simpson performing fellatio,” I might have seen where they are coming from. But this is just proof of a paranoia and insanity that would be hilarious if it wasn’t so frightening.

Of course, if Iran’s threatened boycott actually caused the Olympic organizers to change up their planned logo, the world would be indebted to them for their good taste. That seems unlikely to happen given the fact London folks have defended their choice against four previous years of criticism.

While an Iranian boycott might not seem like that big of a deal to you and I, Iranian athlete Hadi Saei is actually a two-time defending gold medalist in taekwondo and retired weightlifter Hossein Rezazadeh, the “Iranian Hercules”, is still the world record holder in the snatch — funny, I thought it was Charlie Sheen — so they might actually be sacrificing a chance to do decent in something.

My suggestion if Iranian sports fans want to see their athletes compete in 2012: it may be time to borrow a page out of the Tunisian/Egyptian playbook that’s catching the Middle East like wildfire. Your country is run by a bunch of weirdos. Also, if you’re reading this, now might be a good time to walk away from the computer before some unfriendly looking  government officials show up.

Likewise, if the IOC really wants to stick it to Iran, may I suggest Zion, Illinois as a potential host for the 2020 Games? That should really get them going.

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  1. 4 Responses to “Why Iran Can’t Have The Bomb”

  2. When the comment first popped up about Lisa Simpson performing fellatio, I didn’t see it. I stared at the logo for a while and then suddenly it popped out at me. Now, that’s all I see.

    By MJenks on Mar 1, 2011

  3. The Iranian people tried to revolt in 2009. They were crushed by the regime currently in place and the world turned its head, pretending not to see what went on. It’s safe to back the people against leaders we control like Mubarak and Gaddafi, but not against the real threats to our own way of life.

    By brstevens on Mar 1, 2011

  4. Yeah, the Lisa Simpson thing is not really something you can un-see. I’ll never be able to think of anything else any time that logo is shown.

    By Phillips on Mar 1, 2011

  5. The Lisa thing may be intentional. In one of the older episodes (when the show was still actually good), Lisa marries a British guy in the future, and their supposed wedding date was August 1st, 2010. So, this logo could be a homage to that. Oh wait, married women don’t give head…

    By Cousin Charlie on Mar 2, 2011

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