Record: 7-4 (4-6-1 ATS)
Yahoo! league record: 7-9
(15) Georgia Tech (1-0) at Kansas (0-1) (+14)
What a terrible time for the (already) beleaguered Turner Gill-led Kansas squad to play a brutally effective Georgia Tech team. That 6-3 loss to North Dakota State was bad enough, but now Gill’s essentially talent-less team has to face Tech and its option offense with only a week to recover and prepare for the unique challenge. That’s rough.
Tech, however, CAN be stopped, though not if Josh Nesbitt has it going early. They didn’t maximize their throwing opportunities in their first game, but still dominated on the ground. This looks worse and worse for Kansas the more I type.
Pick: Georgia Tech
(22) Georgia (1-0) at (24) South Carolina (1-0) (-3)
If two SEC “powers” play a game that will ultimately have no impact on their SEC division title race, do they make a sound?
Actually, that’s not fair. The winner of this game DOES have a shot at choking away the Florida game, and thus ruining their shot at an SEC title game berth. But that’s still weeks away.
I can’t think of two coaches more ready to move on from their jobs than Mark Richt and Steve Spurrier. We all know the Ol’ Ball Coach is ready to retire and hit the links full time, and who can blame him? It’s impossible to recruit to South Carolina. Face it, the state sucks at pretty much everything. They even have a lame in-state rivalry with Clemson, who also sucks. Name me some redeeming qualities of either the state or university of South Carolina. Didn’t think so.
Mark Richt just needs a new gig. He’s clearly worn out his welcome in Athens. Plus his offensive scheme sucks, and they won the Fulmer Cup. Pretty much the only thing he’s won at Georgia. I said “pretty much,” Georgia-fan R-tards who are thinking “Hey, we won the SEC East a couple of times! That counts!” Yeah, it counts like making the playoffs in the NBA counts. No one gives a shit about a division winner a day after the SEC title game.
And no, I don’t want Richt at Indiana. His stuff would never work unless he pulled off the greatest recruiting coups ever for eight straight years.
Pick: South Carolina
12:21 pm ET
South Florida (1-0) at (8) Florida (1-0) (-16)
South Florida isn’t, like, a great team or anything, but they’re at least from an aut0-BCS conference, if you want to call the Big East that without sneering. So whatever the hell happened last week against Miami (OH) for Florida can’t happen again.
And let me be clear: almost none of that was John Brantley’s fault. Tim Tebow couldn’t have done anything with that ass-tastic offensive line play. Florida needs to stop pretending those predictable runs with Rainey and Demps are going to surprise any defenses they might face too. Everyone knows they’re too soft to run in between the tackles, so they’re basically relegated to running diagonally toward the sidelines, or sprinting sideways away from the defender the crap offensive line forgot to block every time they get the ball. Either use Emmanuel Moody properly or start throwing more, but something has to change.
As for South Florida, I really don’t know what they have. Skip Holtz is a pretty good coach who creates pesky, Holtz-ball teams. If they’re at the height of their garbage offense/punt for field position/random big plays/defensedefensedefense powers, look out, Gators.
Pick: Florida wins but doesn’t cover
3:30 pm ET
Michigan (1-0) at Notre Dame (1-0) (-3.5)
Is there a secret bet between Rich-Rod and Brian Kelly to see whose team can have more question marks early in the season? This is ridiculous.
But let’s just take a moment to enjoy that this game is a matchup featuring these two schools that are unranked, testing out new players in a new system, injury-plagued, and suffering under the weight of outsized expectations from a base that isn’t used to sucking this bad. Ten years ago, would anyone have thought these two schools would be in this situation?
Oh right, Notre Dame sucked then too. Ha-ha.
Anyway, I’m taking Denard Robinson until further notice. Because holyshitishefast. And if the millions of hours I wasted playing video games has taught me anything (other than that I could totally be the GM of the Chargers, Padres, and Lakers), it’s that speed kills. Thanks, John Madden!
(17) Florida State (1-0) at (10) Oklahoma (1-0) (-7)
It’s really hard to like either one of these flawed teams. Aside from DeMarco Murray, there are a lot of unproven players on the offense for Oklahoma. Murray is way better than whoever the hell Florida State is going to hand the ball to. But Christian Ponder is way, way better than Landry Jones, so maybe that’s even. Oklahoma’s defense is much better than FSU’s, though, so I imagine that’ll be the difference for the home team.
Honestly though, if it weren’t for Georgia/South Carolina, this would be the most underwhelming game between ranked teams of the week. Neither one of these squads is a threat to do anything but finish third in their conference. If this Oklahoma team wins the Big XII, the conference should be stripped of its BCS berth and then summarily disbanded. FSU might actually win the ACC since the ACC is ass this year, so I partially take that back.
Iowa State (1-0) at (9) Iowa (1-0) (-13.5)
I’m picking this because I know I’m going to get a phone call from my dad on Saturday (an Iowa man) asking if I’m watching this game. No, dad, I’m not. Screw Iowa. But oh, hey, I hope they beat the Cyclones. I guess.
Pick: Iowa wins but doesn’t cover
Colorado (1-0) at California (1-0) (-10)
Bet everyone can’t wait until this is a conference game every year! Whoa baby! What a game! Yeah, not really.
Does it feel like Kevin Riley has been at Cal for about ten years now? And for all of those years, Cal has been just on the wrong side of the good/bad line. Apparently they have a good athlete or three on the roster this year, but there’s no beating the stigma of being an also-ran in the Pac-10, is there? And that’s pretty much what Cal has been, I don’t know, forever.
Good news is Cal is playing Colorado, a team that could not possibly be more disappointing since Dan Hawkins’ hiring. And really, even before that. Hawkins has totally failed to recruit and use Big XII-level talent. A weakness that’s going to be exploited even more in the talent-rich Pac-10.
3:40 pm ET
(12) The U (1-0) at (2) Ohio State (1-0) (-8.5)
This spread is like a gift from the gods. No way does a Miami squad that is still very much bitter from that national championship loss come to Columbus and play flat. There were probably alumni all over their practices this week in the kids’ ears talking about revenge, etc etc etc. What’s funny is that the NFL talent here is going to largely cancel itself out. The lines on both sides of the ball are always good for these two programs.
That makes me think it’s coming down to Jacory Harris and Terrelle Pryor, neither of whom am I sold on. So who’s going to make the killer turnover? Probably Miami. They’re going to make one more mistake and end up just a couple of points short. No way does Ohio State blow them out though.
Pick: Ohio State wins but doesn’t cover
4 pm ET
Brigham Young (1-0) at Air Force (1-0) (-1)
Sucks to have a conference game in week two, especially coming off a huge home win against Washington. Otherwise, we are all required to root for the service academy if we have no other rooting interest in this game.
7 pm ET
(19) Louisiana State (1-0) at Vanderbilt (0-1) (+9.5)
LSU isn’t so bad that they’ll lose this game, but expect to be underwhelmed again. This team might have problems only a new coach can fix. Or at least a new offensive coordinator. There’s just not much else to say. They are what they are.
I’ve had some experience with program-killer quarterbacks. Zach Mills at Penn State and John David Booty at USC are the two primaries in my theory. Both were starters who were good enough to start for multiple years, but were also so flawed that they held everything else in the program back, and the coaches couldn’t do anything about it.
Jordan Jefferson isn’t on the level of Booty or Mills yet, but he’s definitely a second-tier program killer like Chad Henne or Chris Rix. He’s got this season and this season only to prove me wrong.
(18) Pennsylvania State (1-0) at (1) Alabama (1-0) (-12)
Hmm, freshman quarterback starting on the road at the defending national champions who are coached by Nick Saban. I hope Robert Bolden brought his runnin’-fer-his-life shoes.
I honestly don’t care if Mark Ingram plays in this game or not. It would be the difference between a blowout Alabama win and a closer win for the Tide. I just can’t trust a true freshman quarterback on the road against the number one team in the country. Goes against everything I believe.
Also, if Penn State wins, just put Bolden in the hall of fame already.
Pick: Alabama wins but doesn’t cover
(7) Oregon (1-0) at Tennessee (1-0) (+12)
As long as Oregon doesn’t melt down or let inexperience kill them, Tennessee is out of its depth. I know they’re used to dealing with speed like this every year, playing in the SEC and all, but Oregon is too good at what they do. That Darron Thomas is a first-year starter is the only reason I think this game might be a little closer than normal.
10:30 pm ET
(25) Stanford (1-0) at UC,LA (0-1) (+5)
UC,LA fans accuse Stanford fans of being privileged snobs and nerds. Stanford fans call UC,LA their safety school. And everyone else wonders how this many Asian kids could get into these two schools, but not USC. Actually, I think I know…
What? I kid. I kid. (not really). This pick’s for Booter, and he’ll probably text me, telling me I should have gone the other way.
Virginia (1-0) at (16) Southern California (1-0) (-19.5)
When this game got scheduled three or four years ago, I bet both teams thought they were scheduling strong teams. USC couldn’t have known just how bad Virginia would become at the end of the Al Groh era, and obviously no one saw the USC meltdown coming.
If USC doesn’t kick the shit out of Virginia, just end their season now.
Colorado State (0-1) at Nevada (1-0) (-23.5)
Colin Kaepernick is under the radar yet again, but if you see this game on at the bar, enjoy the second-most brutally effective offense in the country, behind Georgia Tech, of course. The difference between Tech and Nevada is that Tech’s offense works against major-conference teams while Nevada’s couldn’t even gain yards on Notre Dame’s bullshit defense last year.
Pick: Nevada wins but doesn’t cover