Ndamukong Suh Is Insane

August 2, 2010 – 2:08 am by Ryan Phillips

I don’t like tossing around phrases like “out of his f-ing mind” and “batsh*t crazy” but sometimes it just applies.

While he may have issues fitting through doorways, Detroit Lions rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh might just fit into both of those previously mentioned categories. Apparently Suh and his agent have asked the Lions to pony up with a six-year contract worth roughly $90 million dollars, with more than $56 million in guaranteed money.

The only explanation is that Suh is attempting to buy an island somewhere in the Pacific where he can do all sorts of taboo experiments merging human and animal DNA, while referring to the produced offspring as his “children.” And yes, that can be the only explanation, since no sane human would believe that a defensive tackle – let alone a rookie defensive tackle – ever deserved that much money for anything.

As the No. 2 pick from the 2010 NFL Draft, Suh is asking for more money than No. 1 pick Sam Bradford just got. The fact that Bradford is a quarterback and was drafted higher than him apparently means nothing to Suh and his camp.

Now look, I like Ndamukong Suh. If I didn’t know anything about the guy I’d still like him for his name alone. But he seems to be a really good kid and was easily the best player in the 2010 draft. That said, he doesn’t play a “premium” position. Clearly he’s not going to get more than Bradford’s $50 million in guaranteed money. Yes, Bradford’s total – which was the biggest guaranteed contract in NFL history – was ridiculous, but that doesn’t mean Suh deserves a similar deal.

Suh plays defensive tackle. That means that at any moment during his career he’ll never be more than five tuna melts away from being fat and out of shape. For example, I would swear on a stack of Bibles that Dan Wilkinson actually pumped my gas two weeks ago. Seriously.

So Ndamukong, if you know what’s good for you just get a deal done for somewhere between Bradford’s deal and the one signed by No. 3 overall pick Gerald McCoy. Then get your gigantic ass into training camp and start playing.

It’ll be best for everyone. Including the inhabitants of that island I know you’ve got your eye on.

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  1. 30 Responses to “Ndamukong Suh Is Insane”

  2. grow up and go play football and prove yourself in the NFL before you start asking for more money already! if you can take the lions to the superbowl then you deserve even more but until then….

    By mholeman on Aug 2, 2010

  3. And here I thought this “KID” was different than most money grubbers.

    By Flatlander on Aug 2, 2010

  4. The island name is “Fantasy” With a little midget dude running around saying “Da plane boss…da plane”…Suh wants to hold the Lions hostage for more money, when it seems like eveyone in Detroit (all of Michigan for that matter)is struggling to make ends meet…What a great way to endear yourself to the city…I say don’t sign him…let him go back to the draft and wait another year to make his cash!!!

    By deadlionfan on Aug 2, 2010

  5. there are alot of people watching Detroit lions to see if its going to happen, not with this guy let him try to get 90 mil. anywhere, good luck!!

    By mark on Aug 2, 2010

  6. I truly believe that though Bradford is a QB and in that posistion he “should” receive” a better deal than the ordinary defensive lineman..HOWEVER!!!!!..SUH IS THE MAN!!!..He will certainly outshine Gerald McCoy and will more than likely still be standing when Sam “the Sham” Bradford is on the sidelines nursing another injury..Suh deserves the $$$$ and the Lions will be well advised to pay up to get this caliber of player!!..Go Huskers!!..Go Lions!!

    By Jason on Aug 2, 2010

  7. Suh is good;but it only takes one shot and there goes a knee;out for the year and maybe the rest of his life! What good is that? Maybe 30 million but what will he get and what will the jerk he has telling him what to do.

    By James Overton on Aug 2, 2010

  8. 2 words: jamarcus russell

    By joel on Aug 2, 2010

  9. Do you know how many 1st round QB busts their have been? I think Suh was the best player in College Football last year and is the best Pro prospect. If the Rams were not so pathetic on offense the past 3 seasons they wouldn’t have had to draft Bradford first. The Rams will wish they had drafted Suh when all the dust has settled in a few years.

    By Dogham on Aug 2, 2010

  10. The lions should let him sit a year if the demand don’t come down. Next year is sure to have a rookie salary cap and see what he is worth then. Don’t get me wrong, Suh can really help the lions but if they don’t sign him how much more can they go down.

    By Jim on Aug 2, 2010

  11. Suh promised to be in camp on time so not only is he greedy but now is a LIAR. I love the lions they are my team and I thought Suh sounded sincere. I could live the rest of my life comfortable and happy with just 1 mil for the rest of my life. Suh please call your agent and demand to get a deal done before you are labeled a greedy once thought to be a great football player before Karma deals you a bad blow for being stupid.

    By Guy on Aug 2, 2010

  12. OK, before the draft he donated 2.6 Million to his school, now he has donated 123 IPad’s to be put in the lockers in the locker room of his school?

    Clearly this guy isn’t hurting for a paycheck. So what’s the hold up? How much money does this guy need? Don’t talk to me about worth, show it to me on the NFL field. I mean if 35-40 Mil in guarantee $$$ is not enough then you’re just being a greedy S.O.B.

    By PetePuma on Aug 3, 2010

  13. Mr. Suh,
    I ask you one question. Can you drive your team down the field to score 6 points in 20 seconds to win the game? If the answer is yes then hold out and go get a job in the Engineering Field for $60,000 a year because the Lions already have that man. Sorry, I have seen you throw a football. Nice try, but you will be the loser like Crabtree was last year!

    By TBO on Aug 3, 2010

  14. Well, I cant blame the kid for trying to get all that he can, because as someone pointed out one knee blowou and the career is over. That said, get a deak done that makes sense *money between the first and third picks,( with as much guaranteed money as you can get(. Get in camp, play your ass off. Become the player that everyone thinks that you can be, then three years from now get really paid

    By Leonard Stewart on Aug 3, 2010

  15. Two words: DETROIT LIONS.

    ’nuff said.

    By Sir_Osis_of_the_Liver on Aug 3, 2010

  16. Let him sit out a year, and then draft him again. Then let him sit out that year, and then draft him again. By year three, he’ll be begging for the rookie minimum with no guarantee. I fault the owners on this one. Too much money for unproven commodities. First round busts? Too many to count. Successes? You can count them on one hand. Lots of college heroes who ended up pro zeroes. Bring on the salary cap – its decades overdue. GO LIONS!!

    By Nick Lewis on Aug 3, 2010

  17. I’d like to harken back to the ’85 season when LB Al Harris and Safety Todd Bell thought too highly of themselves in Chicago and wound up MISSING THE SUPERBOWL and even earning that coveted ring. Or a place in the history books. No team pic of that famous team has either of those two numbnuts on it. Love him or hate him…Buddy Ryan put those two blowholes in their place. EVERYBODY should take that to heart: find a way to win with what you have instead of GAMBLING for “haha” high-priced talent. ESPECIALLY a damned rookie.

    By Sir_Loin of_Steak on Aug 3, 2010

  18. Eugen Parkers (Suh’s agent) phone # is 888 494 3330, and his fax # is 800 631 4380. Feel free to give this greedy idiot a call.

    By Zwic on Aug 3, 2010

  19. What would you write on that fax, Zwic? What would you say on the phone? “Haha, a rookie cap is coming soon”? He can laugh right back and be happier with all the dough he earned.

    By Sir_Loin_of_Steak on Aug 3, 2010

  20. Until owners begin to say “no,” and hold onto a common set of principals, “kids” will continue to make such demands. It is stupid to pay outrageous amounts of money to unproven college kids! Organiztions should simply say “no” and go on about their business. If the athletewants to sit out a year and go somewhere else — let him!And, for athletes to allow agents to make those kind of “demands” is insane. I used to like Suh, but I could care less about him now. I would bet that most of the lions have lost a certain amount of respect for him, already.

    By william shipley on Aug 3, 2010

  21. Suh- Please hold out and make me look better so I dont have to do these dam* running tests and everyone will forget about the contract I signed here in DC


    By Albert Hainsworth on Aug 3, 2010

  22. Hey Suh,

    You’re an overpaid bag of shite.

    That is all.

    By Bag O'Shite on Aug 3, 2010

  23. Suh is da man, that’s all it’s about now days $$$$$$$$, get what u can while the gettins good, and git. But he will prove himself, but I don’t know if he will get that kind of $$$$$. GO BIG RED.

    By S.D. Reser. on Aug 3, 2010

  24. You hire a professional to negotiate contracts, much as you do a lawyer to represent you in court. I doubt that any of you would disregard the advice of your attorney. Then again, from some of your comments maybe some of you would. I doubt that Suh has made any demands regarding salary in this matter. I hold that the blame rests with a greedy agent rather than the player.

    By B. Fair on Aug 3, 2010


    By rtmac on Aug 4, 2010

  26. Oops! Nevermind!

    Way to beat a man down for something that he obviously never did, trolls.

    By jack sprat on Aug 4, 2010

  27. Oops! Nevermind!

    Way to beat a man down for something that he obviously never did, trolls.

    By jack sprat on Aug 4, 2010

    Oh…you mean like play NFL FOOTBALL?

    We simply expect money of that caliber doled out when a player has already PROVEN himself in the NFL.

    Not some idiot who was hot $hit in COLLEGE against inferior talent.

    By Sir_Milk_of_Magnesia on Aug 4, 2010

  28. It just goes to show you Suh was not only the best player in the draft but also the smartest.

    By doug on Aug 4, 2010

  29. It’s funny how a rumor gets leaked and little bloggers start trashing someone. Where is the appology blog saying your sorry for discrediting a guy’s character for something he didn’t do. He only missed four days to set a contract that’s gonna set him up for the next 5 years! Stop cryin !

    By Jay on Aug 5, 2010


    By rob on Aug 9, 2010


    By rob on Aug 9, 2010

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