The best argument against golf isn’t that it’s boring or snooty, it’s that, if you play long enough, you’re going to get your guts ripped out at some point. The average duffer just has to deal with too many bad shots and chasing the big fish that is breaking 80, but for PGA pros, the pain is much much worse. Ask Kenny Perry and Jean Van de Velde and a host of other cursed golfers.
And now all those pained golfers have their king: Dustin Johnson.
The man who blew a three-stroke lead in this year’s U.S. Open, shooting a final-round 82, lost his lead Sunday in a manner a thousand times more painful. He shanked his drive off the 18th tee (n0t exactly out of the question given his history in majors) into what appeared to be a patch of grass that had been destroyed by thousands of fans walking on it all week. Johnson grounded his club and then hit the ball.
Yeah turns out that “dead grass” was actually a bunker, and Johnson therefore broke the rules and got himself a two-stroke penalty. That penalty dropped him out of the playoff with Martin Kaymer and Bubba Watson for the championship. Oh, and he gagged a par putt on 18 that would have won him the tournament outright, before he knew about the penalty, that is.
That’s a bad f*cking day, people. I’m not a PGA golfer or anything, but after that kind of a loss happening to me, I would not be happy at all to find out I was on what could be the worst Ryder Cup team in U.S. history. That is, however, exactly what Johnson and Watson found out. Another Ryder Cup automatic qualifer, Indiana University’s own Jeff Overton, finished +10 for the tournament and set a speed record for his round, finishing 18 holes in two hours, nine minutes.
We are so f*cked.
Anyway, I hope some one hid Dustin Johnson’s shoelaces and belt until he’s proved he can handle this because damn that sucks. On a side note, I hope the PGA realizes how ludicrous the rule about “everything being a sand trap” was. If it’s a sand trap, then people shouldn’t be f*cking walking in it. This is golf, right? Also, many of those bunkers are waste areas the other 51 weeks of the year, but the PGA decides they’re all bunkers for this week? Ridiculous.
Dustin Johnson still should have known the rules, though, and now he’s the guy who lost final-round leads in two majors in the same year at iconic courses (Pebble Beach and Whistling Straits). I kind of hope the guy gets one of these one day, but at the same time, I kind of hope he doesn’t because he’ll be the most entertaining golfer on the planet if he keeps this up.