King Ralphs

May 14, 2010 – 3:49 am by Hickey

Big ups to the Cleveland Cavaliers, who became the first team to trail by just three baskets with over a minute left to play in a playoff game and made no attempt whatsoever to stop the clock or get the ball back from the opponent.

The pathetic ending aside, one other thing was made obvious about Cleveland’s loss on Thursday night: LeBron James is clearly not worthy of the moniker “King James.” Because, you know, kings are actually supposed to have a crown. Or dress up in sequined jumpsuits in Vegas.

Being ever the creative types, my friends suggested the following choices as possible nicknames for LeBron:

- Prince James

- Princess James

- The Earl of James

- Prime Minister James

- Archduke James

- Pauper James

- Viceroy James

- Chrysler LeBron

I realize that this series exposed just how bad his teammates are and his coach is, but a king’s got to be able to rise above that. Coming one turnover shy of recording a most unusual quadruple-double is not the best way to go about that. Until LeBron prove he’s capable of finishing, that title he carries around is a sham. (Am I doubting his talent? No. He’s already one of the best who has ever played. But Dan Marino was also one of the best athletes who never won the big one, and he didn’t walk about calling himself “King Dan.” See what I mean?)

The most damning line of the night came from my buddy Buffalo Bob, who generally has nothing to cheer about.

“Just when I think being a sports fan from Buffalo couldn’t get any dumber… Cleveland comes along and totally redeems itself.”

Sorry, Clevelanders. You have again taken the lead in the never-ending race for America’s Most Tortured Sports City, and it’s beginning to look like you may never relinquish the title.

Then again, at least they get to be the kings of something.

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  1. 6 Responses to “King Ralphs”

  2. Excellent King Ralph reference with that title.

    By Cousin Charlie on May 14, 2010

  3. The king of Akron

    By kobe on May 15, 2010

  4. The king of blocks

    By kobe on May 15, 2010

  5. The chosen one

    By kobe on May 15, 2010

  6. WOW, YOU GUYS TALK SO MUCH ABOUT WAT HE DIDN’T DO LIKE HE WAS THE TEAM.. HE HASPLAYERS ON THERE FOR A REASON AND IF THEY CAN’T STEP UP TO THE PLATE THEN, HELL WHY SHOULD HE. HE BEEN GIVING HIS ALL TO THE TEAM, FANS ,AND COACHES AND ONE MISTAKE AND YOU DOWN GREAT HIM.. I DOM’T SEE YOU ON HIS SHOES WITH 30 POINTS A GAME OR THE PRESSURE OF COMING BACK FROM A 15TH LEAD TO A FOUR POINT GAME TO SIT DOWN AND REST WITH ONLY HIS TEAM TO STEP UP AND MOVE THE GAME TO AN 20 POINT LEAD. SO EXCUSE THE MAN FOR BEING HUMAN.. AND HIS TITLE IS STILL KING JAMES BECAUSE ONLY A KING WILL CONTINUE TO THE END AND CONGRAS OTHERS ON A WELL DONE.. AS STATED IN THE BIBLE IN JAMES : ONLY A TRUE KING CAN PERISH FROM GOOD BUT LEAD FOLLOWERS TO BELIEVE… SO RESPECT HIS CHOICE AND HIS FIGHT AS A PERSON AND A PLAYER TO GUIDE HIM NOT JUDGE HIM.. AS FOR YOU BEING AN ASS SAYING STUFF WILL ONLY DOWN YOU TO LOOK BAD…

    By Denise on May 15, 2010

  7. Wow, some people shouldn’t be allowed to touch a computer. Turn your fucking caps lock off!

    By Cousin Charlie on May 16, 2010

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