What Is The Opposite Of Irony?

March 10, 2010 – 4:12 pm by McD

tyler-shreve

Tyler Shreve is one hell of a talented athlete. He’s committed to Utah to play quarterback (and could even challenge for a starting job really soon), and is expected to be taken very early in baseball’s June draft. Basically, he’s the kind of alpha-male jock that everyone wants to be and hates at the same time.

The twist in this story is that Shreve endangered his scholarship to Utah and his draft status by getting dropped from his high school baseball team in Redlands, California on February 24 for not going to class and disrespecting the coaching staff on a regular basis. The coaches called a meeting with Shreve, his parents and the school principal to give Shreve the bad news.

And once it was delivered, in front of everyone, let’s just say Shreve set about his coach in a most ungentlemanly manner. He beat the crap out of him, in fact. Shreve now is charged with assault, facing a $2,000 fine and up to a year in prison if convicted.

I’m not going to pile on the kid too badly since I admittedly don’t know every fact about this story, but let me get this straight: one of the best high school pitchers in the country was such an a-hole to his coaches that it directly led to them cutting him from the team? Honestly, how much of a pain in the ass would that kid have to be for this to happen? High school coaches will put up with a hell of a lot from a good player, especially someone  as good as Tyler Shreve. That means he was way more of a problem than just wanting to “announce his presence with authority” when the coach was calling for the curve.

Here’s how we picture an exchange between Shreve and his coach:
Coach: Hey, Tyler, feel ready to pitch today?
Tyler: Give me $10, [coach]. I’m thinking Arby’s. And The Shreve doesn’t pitch [anything] until he’s had his [sexual relations] curly fries.
Coach: (rolls eyes) Fine, fine. I’ll send one of the team managers. You gonna go out there?
Tyler: No, but I’d like to [have deviant sexual relations with] your daughter, coach.
Coach: My daughter is 12 years old, Tyler.
Tyler: Your wife could be there to give her advice then. I’m sure you guys [have deviant sexual relations] all the time.
Coach: Real funny, [wise guy]. If you weren’t such a good pitcher, I’d cut your [backside] right now.
Tyler: The Shreve doesn’t get cut. The Shreve is awesome and all-powerful. My English teacher tried to give The Shreve a quiz today and I told her the same thing, and she just stood there in awe of my awesomeness. She’s [sexual relations] lucky The Shreve was even IN her class today. Hey, I just realized both those words have ‘awe’ in them. Look how brilliant The Shreve already is! The Shreve doesn’t take [sexual relations] tests! And The Shreve doesn’t pitch without his [sexual relations] curly fries!

Even then, I couldn’t envision a scenario in which a high school coach would cut an All-American pitcher from his team. 99.9% of all coaches would just absorb the abuse as long as the team was winning and then give him a bad recommendation to whatever colleges and MLB teams were interested.

And to top it all off, this kid, who clearly has a Hall-of-Fame attitude problem, attacked his coach when he was cut for being an attitude problem in the first place. I don’t know what the word for that is, but it’s the opposite of irony. Anti-irony? I have no idea, but from now on, it’s called “pulling a Shreve” or “Shreve-ing.” Do it.

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  1. 3 Responses to “What Is The Opposite Of Irony?”

  2. The opposite of irony is all the shit that happend to Alanis Morrisette in that crap-tacular song of hers.

    By Booter on Mar 10, 2010

  3. If there were any justice, the coaches would be allowed to beat the total, holy living shit out of both of his (sexual relations) parents.

    By LR. on Mar 11, 2010

  4. If there was a douchebag hall of fame, this guy is a resounding first ballot winner.

    By MJenks on Mar 11, 2010

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