Jeremiah Masoli Is Bad At Stealing

March 14, 2010 – 10:20 pm by McD


Everyone knows Oregon quarterback Jeremiah Masoli pled guilty to second-degree burglary on Friday and was subsequently suspended for the year by Oregon coach Chip Kelly (Phillips mused that this wouldn’t necessarily happen a few days ago), making him the second, and more criminal-ish, member of the Oregon backfield to be convicted of a crime this offseason. EDSBS’ Fulmer Cup race is pretty much over already too. But there is still one question remaining:

What the hell was Jeremiah Masoli doing stealing crap from a fraternity?

At least LaMichael James was having 99 problems plus a bitch-related one, but seriously dude, you’re the starting quarterback at Oregon and you’re jacking laptops and a guitar from random frat guys? He’s clearly not the only high-profile division one athlete to do something exactly like this, so we’re not in uncharted territory. Jeremiah Masoli is only the latest example of idiocy crossing all athletic borders. In fact, it turns out he has a similar conviction on his record already from when he was a juvenile.

Seriously though, there’s no way those frat guys had nicer stuff than the starting quarterback at Oregon. If the program can’t hook him up with a good computer and pretty much everything else, then what exactly IS the point of having Phil Knight as a benefactor?

I’m probably short-sighted and stupid, but I can’t think of a situation in which Jeremiah Masoli would need any of the things he is guilty of stealing. Actually, the only one I can think of is that he already knows he’s not an NFL prospect and therefore needed to create some sort of nest egg while he had the opportunity. Other than that, I’m totally out of ideas beyond compulsive hoarding and kleptomania. So I guess that’s actually three ideas and I’m guilty of lazy hyperbole. We’re all criminals today.

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  1. One Response to “Jeremiah Masoli Is Bad At Stealing”

  2. Masoli only stole the guitar because, a week earlier, he’d stolen a Beatles tab book from a sorority and wanted to learn Yellow Submarine.

    By FL on Mar 15, 2010

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