Well, it finally happened. The New Jersey Nets have finally made their mark on the NBA and have done it in spectacular fashion. The 2009 Nets have now broken the league mark for futility to open a season and now sport record-shattering mark of 0-18.
So just where do the Nets rank on the list of the all-time worst teams in all of sports? We’re not sure, so we figured it was prudent to match them up side-by-side with the gold standard for atrociousness, the 2008 Detroit Lions and their 0-16 record.
Time for a little tale of the tape magic!
Nets: East Rutherford, New Jersey. Have you been there? I have, don’t go. When people refer to a place as a “dump” they’re really just comparing it to North Jersey.
Lions: Detroit, Michigan. Well, I’ll say this in favor of the Motor City, it still exists…technically.
Nets: Devin Harris
Lions: Calvin Johnson
Nets: Lawrence Frank (fired), Tom Barrise (interim for one game), Kiki Vandeweghe
Lions: Rod Marinelli
Nets: Kiki Vandeweghe
Lions: Matt Millen (fired), Martin Mayhew
Offensive Point Man
Nets: Rafer Alston
Lions: Dan Orlovsky, Daunte Culpepper, Jon Kitna
Advantage: Ugh, Push
Nets: The things that New Jersey’s players recently learned they’re supposed to be aiming for. Also the things that light on fire NBA Jam style when opposing teams face them.
Lions: The king of the jungle. Though we’re assuming they don’t mean wild African lions. We’re thinking they mean the type of lion that would be found on Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride.
Organizational Mantra During Season
Nets: At least we’ll have the cap space to go after LeBron James.
Lions: At least we’ll have a great draft.
Nets: Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter
Lions: The Ford Family
Most Disappointing Player
Nets: Yi Jianlian
Lions: Roy Williams
Player Showing Surprising Competence
Nets: Chris Douglas-Roberts
Lions: Kevin Smith
Player Fans Pin Future Hopes On
Nets: Brook Lopez
Lions: Ernie Sims
Psychological State Of Average Fan
Nets: Crippling doucheyness
Lions: Crippling depression
Verdict: 5-5 tie
We have a Rumors and Rants first here but really, how else could it end? Neither team could win a game when they played. Who are we to change history?