Reports are flying out of everywhere that “an irate fan” punched Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen in the eye some time Sunday morning outside of a bar. Apparently, Clausen has “a swollen eye” according to the update on ESPN’s bottom-line.
Wait, this actually happened? It’s, like, a real news story? Holy crap, I think I’m telekinetic! I’ve wanted some one to punch Jimmy Clausen for years, and it’s finally happened! This is amazing!
I mean, my God. Sometimes hilarious things drop into your lap and you’re just not ready for them. I’m overloaded. I can’t think of a proper joke to make. It’s all so wonderful and hilarious. Notre Dame fans have finally cracked and started assaulting their own players because the team is losing. I’d bet $5 that the guy who punched Clausen isn’t even a Notre Dame alum, just a fan of the football team.
Wait, I’m being contacted by our attorneys…
We at Rumors and Rants do not promote violence against athletes under any circumstances. This fan’s actions against Jimmy Clausen, though hilarious because he got punched in the eye in front of “a female acquaintance,” are unacceptable no matter what the Notre Dame’s record is. At no point do we encourage, promote, or praise attacking an athlete outside of a bar or anywhere else. They have the right to live their lives the same as everyone else: free from the threat of unwanted physical violence.
We hope this fan is dealt with harshly by the criminal justice system, should he or she be proven guilty of the crime. We also wish Jimmy “one eye” Clausen and Notre Dame luck this Saturday against Stanford.