Robin van Persie Cherishes Your Not So Lovely Lady Parts

November 18, 2009 – 12:04 am by Matthew Glenesk

robin-van-persie

I’m not proud of it, but I often use the phrase, “I’m hoping to be knee deep in placenta tonight.”

Obviously, I don’t actually want to be covered in afterbirth up to my knees. It’s a gross suggestion that I’d like to get carnal.

I tell you this because Arsenal forward Robin van Persie is actually going to be ankle deep in placenta. And it’s not in the scenario I dreamt of.

The Dutch striker tore ankle ligaments during last week’s international friendly between Italy and the Netherlands. The initial prognosis was that van Persie would miss six weeks.

The 26-year old is apparently desperate in efforts to speed up his recovery. An old Serbian teammate at Dutch club PSV Eindhoven, Danko Lazovic, told van Persie he had an old Seribian woman, Mariana Kovacevic, rub placenta fluid into his hamstring injury that was expected to keep him out for five weeks. After the treatment, Lazovic was back in just a week’s time. Though apparently it’s horse placenta, not human.

Says van Persie:

“She is vague about her methods but I know that she first massages you for a long time with placenta fluid. I am going to give it a try. It can’t do any harm and if it helps, it helps. I’ve been in contact with Arsenal’s chief physio about it. The club has allowed me to have this treatment done.”

Even the piss-drinking Juan Manuel Marquez and urine-handed Moises Alou think that’s gross.

But I’d like to thank you Robin. Now, I know more about placenta and its potential health benefits than I ever wanted to know.

- Sheep placenta cells are used in some anti-aging creams.
– Animals eat their placenta to recover from giving birth.
– Some studies suggest eating one’s placenta can reduce the risk of post-natal depression and encourages milk production in new mothers.
– Turkish researchers found injecting placenta cells into rabbits helped them recover from fractures.
– Here’s a video from a frequent guest of Bill Maher’s, Time Magazine’s Joel Stein having a woman grind up his wife’s placenta and putting it into capsules. And if the warning prior to the video isn’t enough, let me reiterate, this shit is nasty.

*This post has not been approved by our female readership (all two of them).

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