Often Times The Obvious Answer Is The Right Answer

November 17, 2009 – 8:00 am by Matthew Glenesk

allen-iverson-grizzlies

Allen Iverson and the Memphis Grizzlies have parted ways after just three games.

Anybody surprised by this?

You’d think someone with the initials A.I., and referred to as The Answer would have known better.

The Grizzlies are a team trying to build a young core, centered around Rudy Gay and O.J. Mayo. But they suck and can’t get fans to the games. Even outgoing Memphis Tigers football coach Tommy West thinks the Grizzlies get shit crowds. Iverson was supposed to get people in the seats. Yeah, good luck with that.

A.I. insists he’s not done and wants to play – a lot.

Apparently, the train wreck that is the New York Knicks are interested in Iverson’s services. Comical.

Iverson in Memphis was never going to work. It was doomed from the jump. And who did the Grizzlies bring in to take Iverson’s roster spot? Well none other than another NBA pariah, the dust pan-waving Jamaal Tinsley. Wow, and you wonder why your franchise is irrelevant.

This quick breakup had us thinking about some other obviously apparent bad matches.

Terrell Owens and the Buffalo Bills
Again, is anyone really surprised this didn’t work out? Bills fans thought T.O. would make them relevant again. Wrong. All it did was shift the focus from how bad the team is as a whole to how bad T.O. has been this year. The dude has guys like Trent Edwards and Ryan Fitzpatrick throwing passes his way. I think at this point, T.O. wouldn’t mind if Jeff Garcia blew all the guys at Daddy’s on Castro Street.

Chyna and female reproductive organs
I’m still scarred by the notion that the former WWF starlet is indeed a starlet. Then she had to go and pose for Playboy and further gross me out. The lone issue where I actually did pay more attention to the articles than the spreads.julia-lyle

Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett
This “Pretty Woman” shocked the world when she showed up on the arm of some inconsequential Earthworm Jim-looking country singer. The two met on the set of “The Player,” dated for three weeks and then were married in the equally inconsequential Marion, Ind. They divorced less than two years later. Shocker! Perhaps Julia was on the rebound. She was engaged to Jack Bauer, er Kiefer Sutherland, but broke off the engagement and went on a trip to Ireland with Kiefer’s pal Jason Patric. Cold-blooded…

Atlanta and professional hockey
I grew up in Atlanta and went to the occasional Atlanta Knights hockey game. Not too many people did. And the only reason you might have heard of the now defunct Atlanta Knights is because a chick played goalie for the Knightettes. Remember Manon Rheaume? I fondly recall a game I went to during the mid-1990s against the Salt Lake Golden Eagles. I’ll never forget it. There was a bench-clearing brawl, which featured one goalie skating across the rink to clothesline his counterpart (not Rheaume). It was great stuff. Unfortunately for the worst sports city in America, that was probably Atlanta’s most exciting iced moment. I understand the NHL’s goal of putting teams in the Southeast to grow a fan base. But putting ice hockey teams in states without ice just hasn’t really caught on.

All five of the Southeastern-based teams (Carolina, Florida, Tampa Bay, Nashville and Atlanta) rank in the bottom eight in attendance this season. A year ago, the Thrashers ranked second to last in attendance, averaging just 14,626 fans a game. I mean come on, this is a city that can’t even support one of the winningest baseball teams of the decade. How do you expect hockey to work? Especially when the product blows. In their nine years of existence, the Thrashers have made the playoffs just once (they were subsequently swept by the Rangers). Oh, how I miss those Atlanta Knights days at The Omni. No, not really. And that’s my point.

Ben Affleck and talent
“I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school/He was terrible in that film/I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part/He’s way better than Ben Affleck/And now, all I can think about is your smile and that shitty movie too/Pearl Harbor sucked, and I miss you…”

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  1. 2 Responses to “Often Times The Obvious Answer Is The Right Answer”

  2. Ugh. Thanks for reminding me about Chynna. I’ll never look at thumbs the same way ever again.

    By MJenks on Nov 17, 2009

  3. Excellent Earthworm Jim reference!

    By Cousin Charlie on Nov 18, 2009

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