My Television Attention Span Can’t Survive NFL Mediocrity

November 12, 2009 – 2:00 pm by Matthew Glenesk

kelly-sharbaugh-survivor

First, let me say I always looked down at people who watch “Survivor.” Call me an elitist ass hole (which is far from the case because I’m anything but elite – though all ass hole), but I always thought people who watched the show were suckers. I mean we all watched the first season, but after that old Rudy dude, the fat naked gay fella and some truckerish Wisconsin gal I sort of lost interest.

However, one of my roommates watches the show religiously. I often teased him about his love affair for “this trash,” but he never relented. He stood steadfast. Told me, “Go fuck yourself,” and watched anyways. In fact, he has the same buddy show up every Thursday so they can watch together.

One night, I had nothing better to do so I figured, “What the hey?” and plopped down.

“Wait a second, who are all these hot chicks?”
“Yup,” my roommate responds. 

Next thing you know, I’m enthralled as to whether or not the rain is ever going to stop and what the hell this immunity idol necklace thingamajiggy is for.

That’s how they get you. They entice you with good-looking girls, mix in perfect white trash specimens and add in a sliver of strategy and you’re hooked.

Why am I telling you about my new found admiration for “Survivor?”

Because I’m trying to figure out exactly when I can flip over tonight’s Bears-49ers game and start watching my DVRed “Survivor.”

My beloved Chicago Bears play San Francisco tonight on the NFL Network for all the nation to see (or at least all those with decent cable packages). And normally I’d be stoked about a Bears Prime Time opportunity, but I’m really not all that excited about tonight’s affair.

Why?

Because I don’t want to be embarrassed. The Bears really haven’t played well all season. Even in victory, they looked disappointing. Mix in demoralizing and decisive losses against Cincinnati and Arizona recently and calls for Lovie Smith’s head are getting increasingly louder.

And tonight we get to watch a former Bears great Mike Singletary lead one of the league’s banner franchises. And make no mistake about it, Singletary still loves the Bears. But he’d love nothing more than to smash them tonight. And he certainly intends to. He wanted a job a few years back, but was told he didn’t have enough seasoning. Now Bears fans are left wondering “what if?”

Chicago is 4-4, injury-riddled and has almost no shot of making the playoffs at this rate. What’s there to care about? Plus, we don’t have a first OR second round pick in next year’s draft so there’s no point in rooting for losses for the sake of draft position. Only uninteresting mediocrity. Sure we finally have a quarterback, too bad the rest of the team blows. And don’t blame this on the Jay Cutler deal. Jay Cutler has nothing to do with the awful condition of the Bears secondary.

So I can watch the Bears probably lose to a team with a 3-5 record under the guidance of No. 50 or I can see what happens with that Russell fella, who shouldn’t have played that immunity necklace thingamajiggy last week because he’s most likely outro this week. Oh, and then there’s Kelly’s ass. 

Advantage: “Survivor.”

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

  1. 3 Responses to “My Television Attention Span Can’t Survive NFL Mediocrity”

  2. Hadn’t watched Survivor for years but the first episode of this season was on at the gym a few weeks ago. I’ve been watching at least part of the show every week since and I have no idea why.

    By Phillips on Nov 12, 2009

  3. Actually, as one of those losers who still watches Survivor, I can tell you this is a weak season, ladies-wise. They are usually hotter.

    BUT the men are exceptionally good looking this season, so that’s nice…for me.

    By Red on Nov 12, 2009

  4. I jinxed my girl. Bye Kelly. You’ll live in my dreams forever.

    By TheBaker on Nov 13, 2009

Post a Comment