It’s been a hell of a month for former and current Kentucky basketball coaches.
Everything started with former Wildcat and current Louisville coach Rick Pitino coming out and admitting he banged a crazy, crazy waitress at an Italian restaurant, then gave her money for “health insurance”, aka an abortion. (How much you want to bet Rick supports universal health care now?) That nightmare still hasn’t ended, as they still have a trial regarding her attempt to extort him coming up.
Current UK coach John Calipari just had a Final Four stripped from his resume by the NCAA for the second time in his career, though conveniently he managed to get out of Dodge just in time at both UMass and Memphis. But I’m sure it won’t happen again that bastion of morality called Kentucky. How does that fool me once, fool me twice saying go again?
The most recently deposed UK coach, Billy Gillispie, joined the rest of the crew in the news by getting charged with DUI in the wee hours of Thursday morning. It’s the third time he’s been nailed for drunk driving in his life.
According to the Lawrenceburg (Ky.) police report, Billy “had a strong fruity smell coming from his person [possibly wine] and had red, glassy eyes and slow, slurred speech.”
Personally, we hope that the strong fruity smell was actually a result of him getting shitfaced on Bartles & Jaymes. But on a more serious note, why the hell does Billy Gillispie still live in Kentucky?
Rumors of Gillispie’s reputation as a boozehound and poonhound helped cost him his job at UK after just two years, and missing the NCAA Tournament last year was the nail in the coffin. Chances are he’s the most disliked man in the state outside of Louisville city limits. So why stay unless you’re yearning for a chance to land the Murray State job?
As we understand it, Billy’s taken quite a liking to horse racing, which would be one of the only reasons to ever live in Kentucky in the first place. And quite frankly, it fits his persona. Boozing, womanizing, gambling — what vices are left for this guy?
Here’s to you, Billy G. Bottoms up!