A Rumors and Rants Tip Of The Cap To Lee Trevino

August 27, 2009 – 6:28 pm by Matthew Glenesk

Lee Trevino

Truth be told, this post has very little to do with Lee Trevino as a golfer.

Trevino has played in just eight Champions Tour events in the past two years and his best finish so far in 2009 is a tie for 64th at the Toshiba Classic in early March.

So why am I bringing up The Merry Tex?

It’s simple. Lee Trevino has become one of my favorite drinking buddies.

Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, my neighbor and I bought a bottle of some Icelandic vodka and decided to make a new concoction.

3-4 shots of vodka
4 oz. Sunkist (orange soda)
2 oz. lemonade

We decided to quicken the pace of our pre-going out drinking and paired up our boozing with some FIFA 2009 on PS3. Every time the ball went out of play (i.e. a throw in, goal/corner kick) we drank. We played three 16-minute contests and polished off an entire 750 ml bottle by ourselves.

Suffice it to say, the rest of the evening is a blur then a blank. I woke up the next morning thankfully in my bed. I wandered out to the living room to find a puddle of vomit on my couch and a puke-stained blanket on the ground. However, the guilty party was nowhere in sight. (Ironically enough, it was similar to the scene I encountered four years ago when Phillips went all Linda Blair in my living room [pictured here] and then dipped, causing a city-wide missing person’s search. But that’s a story for another time.)

I cleaned up the yack before taking the dog for a walk. Once outside, I noticed the iron railing which is supposed to be fastened down to my neighbor’s stone stairway had been ripped out. A quick flashback from the previous evening goes off. I semi-remember my buddy telling me of how he ripped out a lamp post in Seville once.

I check my hands. Nothing that would indicate a Herculean feat of a 132-pound wimp ripping out steal from stone, I mean this isn’t a Disney classic.

sword-in-stone_1It’s at this point I call a few third parties to recap the evening. I remember talking to a pair of ladies at the bar. I’m told the one I was talking to was hot and the one my neighbor was chatting up wasn’t. Nice. Then I’m told it was my neighbor that bought the ladies shots and drinks, not me. Double nice.

What happens with the ladies is unknown. The walk home I’ll chalk up to muscle memory. A quick chat with my neighbor brings the consensus, “That new drink F-ed us up.”

So naturally we’d be all but ready to give the drink a second chance. But if this drink was going to become a staple of TheBaker’s arsenal, it would have to be named.

And it was fairly simple.

If half-lemonade and half-iced tea is an Arnold Palmer, then of course we’d have to name the drink after another senior golfer. And there are none finer than Lee Trevino. The dude who was once struck by lightning on the course, won six Majors and appeared in “Happy Gilmore.” It all seemed too perfect. Plus, it sounds cool.

“What are you drinking there?”
“This? This is a Lee Trevino.”

(Now it has come to my attention in the Sports Guy’s latest Q&A, a waiter talked about his own lemonade-based alcohol drink concoction named for another golfer.)

Q: I work as a waiter. At work today, a table of a friend of mine ordered an Arnold Palmer (iced tea and lemonade, for those readers who don’t know) with a double shot of vodka. Having never heard of this before, three of us on the wait staff deliberated and decided that this drink should forever be known as a John Daly. Any objections? — Colin, Oshkosh, Wis.

Sports Guy: None. I love it. That’s the best sports-related drink idea since the LeBomb James (pouring 3 packs of Splenda on your hands, dropping a shot of Crown Royal into a glass of Red Bull, chugging it down, then throwing the Splenda up in the air like baby powder).
I like mine better.

So on Lee’s second go-round, we said we’d be a little more careful. We enlisted a few more drinkers with tales of Lee Trevino’s desired effects. However, for some reason we went for a bottle of vodka twice the size of our initial campaign. More mouths, more vodka I guess.

My neighbor (the very same one who yacked all over my living room) and I decide to get things started 20 minutes before everyone else with another FIFA drinkfest. Smart, right? More friends start to trickle in, and the anticipation of their first Lee Trevino Experience is palpable. One worries that there’s too much vodka in his drink.

“Can you taste it?” I ask.
“No.”
“Then you’re fine. Drink, you pussy.”

There in lies the beauty and the danger of The Lee Trevino. You drink them like water. You can take down three Lee Trevinos in 45 minutes, easy. (No one’s taken that much Trevino down since Lee’s first wife. Zing!) After that, sit back and enjoy.

Note: You’ll want to hide your cell phone to avoid any unnecessary and embarrassing text messaging and cover your couch with a tarp.

This weekend, luckily there were no railings missing and no (public) vomittings. But the hazy recap is highlighted by one of us making two girls cry, another rubbing a hottie’s feet and the making of a nine-minute fantasy football trash talk video at 3:30 a.m. .

Ah, Lee Trevino.

Though I must say, I had to four-putt the next morning if you know what I mean.

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  1. 4 Responses to “A Rumors and Rants Tip Of The Cap To Lee Trevino”

  2. If I remember correctly my head did, in fact, spin around after I hurled on your floor. So yeah, it was pretty much exactly like Linda Blair.

    By Phillips on Aug 28, 2009

  3. Ahh, the Phillips disappearance, a scary time for all of us

    By Pablo on Aug 28, 2009

  4. Hard to believe it was four years ago that Phillips went all D.B. Cooper on us.

    By McD on Aug 28, 2009

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