Snowstorm Comes Early To Indiana

July 19, 2009 – 10:03 am by Matthew Glenesk

whitemancantjump

Last week, we touched on the Indiana Pacers’, and more specifically Larry Bird’s affinity for an endangered species – the caucasian American professional basketball player.

A month ago, Bird drafted North Carolina’s Tyler Hansbrough to bring the team’s white count to a league-leading six. (Jeff Foster, Troy Murphy, Travis Diener, Josh McRoberts, and Mike Dunleavy are the others.) What’s more impressive than the Pacers putting together a team resembling the first Continental Congress is the fact they’ve stocked their squad with non-European vanilla.

(Serbian Rasho Nesterovic played with the Pacers last year, but is an unrestricted free agent and not expected back – though he’s white, so you never know.)

Utah can match the Pacers with six melanin-challenged players, but three of them are foreigners (Mehmet Okur/Turkey, Andrei Kirilenko/Russia and Kyrylo Fesenko/Ukraine). The Lakers, Timberwolves, Suns and Kings each have five white players, though again, include foreigners in the count.

Now, we get word out of Boston that Bird might be looking to add another glass of chardonnay to the collection.

Indiana and Boston are talking about a sign-and-trade deal involving swingman Marquis Daniels. The Pacers chose not to commit $7.3 million to the versatile Daniels, and the Celtics are ready to pounce. Both teams are said to prefer the sign-and-trade route, so who is Bird asking for in return?

Did you even have to ask? Rumor has it, Brian Scalabrine would be coming to the Heartland. Shocking, I know. So now you can add a slice of ginger bread to that loaf of Sunbeam.

Instead of paying a guy coming off a season in which he posted career-highs in points (13.6) and rebounds (4.6) per game, Bird has chosen to allocate $3.4 million on a career bench fixture. Scalabrine’s career averages: 3.5 points, 2.3 rebounds and 0.9 assists. Sweet.

The Pacers already look like a YMCA rec team, if this deal goes through, they’d easily get confused with the University of Vermont Catamounts. Not to mention, they’re automatically Sonia Sotomayor’s least favorite NBA team.

To his credit, Bird did sign former Denver Nugget Dahntay Jones this offseason. But Dahntay went to Duke, so he might as well be white.

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  1. 16 Responses to “Snowstorm Comes Early To Indiana”

  2. What’s the opposite of shocked? Because that’s what I am.

    By Phillips on Jul 19, 2009

  3. Larry Bird is not this stupid. He cannot be this stupid. That is all I keep saying to myself in my head.

    What is with ex – Celtics helping them win? First Mchale sends his butt buddy Garnett for always injured Jefferson and now this?

    God help me

    By God Help Me on Jul 19, 2009

  4. It not like they want Brian to play. He is being considered for one reason only. He is an expiring contract, this gives more room to the pacers come next season to make moves both with money and roster space. This is only a financial move not a player move….

    By Kelly on Jul 20, 2009

  5. What does Sonia Sotomayor have to do with the Pacers? Nothing.

    Cheap shot, and irrelevant.

    By hedda on Jul 20, 2009

  6. It was an attempt at sarcasm. Apparently, not a good one.

    By TheBaker on Jul 20, 2009

  7. Um…this surprises you people?? (Who you callin’, you people?) If Larry Bird was an icecream flavour he would be a scoop “Every type of vanilla ever, ever”. So it shocks you that this racist country bumpkin from French Lick, Indiana has the whitest team? I’m shocked they didn’t try to trade for Adam Morrison and Steve Blake this off season too.

    I know, I know….”how dare you call Larry Bird a racist!!” relax…it’s not my fault he calls those mini Snickers bars “Nigger Toes”…geez, get off my back.

    By Bulls Fan on Jul 21, 2009

  8. Hilarious commentary! I’m in Indy, and this coming season will be a test for sure. Also, hedda…take a xanax and lighten up. Not everything in this life is racially inflamed. Good stuff!

    By DubDeuce on Jul 21, 2009

  9. Ah… Affirmative action!
    LOL.
    Lighten up, folks.

    By BattleFlag0013 on Jul 21, 2009

  10. So, the Pacers have 6 white players out of 13 (less then have) and are racist.
    Meanwhile, the Celtics have what? 11? 12 black players?
    Not racist though. They’re the right color.

    By iolanach on Jul 21, 2009

  11. Doesnt matteer what color the celtics are that team has one a championship your vanilla pacer roster will not. Of course not because of the color of their skin but lack of talent on the roster. Really dahntay jones is supposed to save you wow

    By EzE on Jul 22, 2009

  12. So who’s the blackest team in the NBA? And is racism assumed to be the reason why they have so many black guys on the team?

    By slappy on Jul 22, 2009

  13. Are you kidding me?

    By Javante Stellar on Jul 22, 2009

  14. I cannot believe you would even attempt to write an article such as this. The simple fact is that if you had written this article about a team that had to many black players you would be condemned as a racist. But since you chose to write this about Larry Bird (who is white) who chooses to have six white players on the team (which is still the minority) no one thinks twice about it being racially driven. In fact they laugh at it and just say ohh them white boys. If any white person were to say anything somewhat negative about a black athlete they are immediately assaulted as a racist feen; but if a black individual were to say anything negative or somewhat condescending about a white person its just passes over and is viewed as comic relief. Each one of you who reads this knows this to be true; and if you try to deny it then your denying reality. Oh my goodness that is the truth. How come Bird can’t have some white players on his team??? Ohh did you all forget that a few years back a white player won the MVP award three years in a row. Nash twice, then Nowitzki; they are foreign yes, but nontheless white. Are black athletes for the most part more talented than white athletes in NBA? I would say yes; from the mere fact of what Kobe Bryant and LeBron James can do i don’t think any one could disput that. All i am saying is that what you wrote was very unproffesional and uncalled for. Your title was a snowstorm comes early to Indiana? What if i wrote an artice and said a black whole has settled in on Georgetown University? I know what would happen, i would have Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson bringing down the fire and brimstone on me.

    By Javante Stellar on Jul 22, 2009

  15. Are you aware that the guy who wrote this is possibly the whitest person alive? If that adds any perspective.

    By Hick Flick on Jul 23, 2009

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