Jonathan Sanchez Makes Me Hate Baseball Even More

July 11, 2009 – 1:28 am by Ryan Phillips

Jonathan Sanchez

It’s well documented that I hate baseball. That’s mainly because my boyhood favorite team – the San Diego Padres – are freaking awful. And they have been for the better part of 40 years. Last night they did something that made me realize that, yes, I am completely justified in hating baseball.

Jonathan Sanchez has always had the stuff of a great major league pitcher but he’s never seemed to put it all together. Last night, against my Padres (of course) he did just that. Sanchez tossed nine brilliant innings, shutting out San Diego while striking out 11 and walking none. Oh, right, and he threw a no-hitter. Had Juan Uribe not committed an error in the top of the 8th, Sanchez would have likely ended up with a perfect game.

Great for Sanchez, it was nice that it was the first time his dad had seen him pitch as a starter in person. Yay.

More importantly it was the seventh time the Padres have been no-hit in franchise history, while no San Diego pitcher has ever thrown one. San Diego was also on the wrong end of Pedro Martinez’s perfect game that he lost in the 10th inning. And the Friars were on the bad side of one of the worst no-hitters ever, when A.J. Burnett walked nine batters yet somehow still completed a no-no. Let’s also keep in mind the fact that Tim Lincecum took a no-hitter into the seventh inning the night before against this same pitiful offense.

I don’t know how many times I can possibly reiterate that the 2009 Padres suck. They truly, madly, deeply suck. They strip down naked and wallow in suck every chance they get. They make love to suck on a nightly basis. Well, they tell all their friends they’re making sweet love to suck, in actuality they’re having raunchy, unprotected sex with suck. Raunchy, unprotected sex that will surely lead to some form of offspring: the 2010 San Diego Padres.

We’ve written about this endlessly but I don’t know how to really drive home this point as hard as I need to. On the 25-man roster and disabled list there are only four players I know for sure would make another major league roster. Adrian Gonzalez, Heath Bell, Jake Peavy and Chris Young. That’s it. Just four players. FOUR!

The Padres lost 99 games last year. They’re on their way to at least equaling that this year. After last night’s debacle their record sits at 35-51. I have no idea how they’ve won 35.

I deserve better than this, I am better than this.

All of this leads back to one, unassailable fact: I hate baseball.

Fucking Padres.

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  1. 3 Responses to “Jonathan Sanchez Makes Me Hate Baseball Even More”

  2. Umm…I’m sorry I texted you to alert you to the pending perfect game and resulting no hitter. I will now sit in the corner and think about what I have done.

    By Booter on Jul 11, 2009

  3. This is why we need a promotion/demotion system in MLB like they have in european football.

    Not that this would make our Pahds any better. But as a AA team, we’d have cheap beer, cheap tickets, and lots of shenanigans to distract us from the suckitude.

    By Dr. JwB on Jul 11, 2009

  4. If Adrian Gonzalez were nursing an injury, I think I might have a chance at no-hitting the Padres.

    By Ace on Jul 13, 2009

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