Vols Fan Finally Learns How To Use The Computer

June 2, 2009 – 9:40 am by McD


In keeping with the tradition of half-assed buffoonery that has become the Tennessee Volunteers football program, some “fans” decided to send death threats to quarterback Jonathan Crompton during last season’s brutally bad 5-7 campaign. Crompton recently admitted he received at least two e-mailed death threats as well as a suspicious-looking box or something.

That’s it, Vols Fan? A few lazy death threats when the team was in the process of losing seven games for only the second time in its history? How far the mighty have fallen indeed.

This shit never would have happened at the other power schools in the SEC. Then again, those fans would have at least managed to threaten to kill the person actually responsible for the team’s slide. Besides, Tennessee had sucked for several seasons before 2008. Why make with the death threats so late? The Erik Ainge era had to inspire untold murderous rage in the die-hards, and I don’t care what his career numbers look like.

Why threaten Jonathan Crompton? Tennessee hasn’t had a quarterback worth a damn since Tee Martin’s PED-enhanced (I may be making that up) national championship season. That’s over a decade! At some point, the fans have to figure out that Phil Fulmer never knew a goddamn thing about offense or how to develop players on that side of the ball. I’m an Indiana University football fan, I know what shitty players look like. Tennessee’s just weren’t coached very well. There’s a major difference between Jonathan Crompton and Matt Lovecchio (love ya, buddy!). And there’s no way Vols fan can’t recognize that when they play Florida every year.

So listen, Vols Fan. When things go south at some point during the first season of the Lane Kiffin Regime, don’t go back to threatening hapless Jonathan Crompton. Remember, the rest of the team sucks too, so grade school rules apply: if you don’t have enough to share with everyone, then don’t bring any to class.

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  1. 2 Responses to “Vols Fan Finally Learns How To Use The Computer”

  2. Hahaha…. Did you watch the Florida game this year? Did you watch the UCLA game this year? Do you still stand by your comments above? If you do, that’s fine… if not… I’d like to hear your new thoughts.

    Crompton is a phenomenal person. He works his ass off, he is respectful to others and loves his university. He practices with intensity and is sharp in scrimmages. He also possesses a unique factor many find difficult to explain. He short circuits in pressured situations. It has to be the only explanation because it’s happened in many OBVIOUS instances over the past two years.

    A much less talented quarterback who doesn’t short circuit in pressure situations would be much better for the team. Do you agree with my thoughts above?

    By Jeff on Sep 24, 2009

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