Since today will see streets in towns all across the country littered with pasty white Irishmen (and women) celebrating the beautiful world of alcohol, I figured we should have some sort of homage to pasty whiteness.
So to do that we’re going to discuss one of the biggest feel-bad stories to come around this March, the emergence of Syracuse’s Eric Devendorf
Along with point guard Jonny Flynn, Devendorf was the main reason the Orange were able to make an incredible run to the finals of the Big East Tournament. Without him, Syracuse would have never earned a three seed and the right to smoke Stephen F. Austin on Friday (at 12:15 p.m.). The problem? Devendorf shouldn’t be allowed to represent any university on a basketball floor.
We all know the story of how Devendorf punched a female student in the face back in the Fall while he was on probation for a different violent confrontation with another student. A panel of his fellow students recommended that he be suspended for the entire academic year, but somehow he did community service and now it’s all good.
Who does this guy think he is? You can’t treat a woman like that and just get away with it. Unless, of course, you’re Chris Brown.
Closer examination of this “student athlete” reveals something interesting: he’s hit all five spots on the white trash checklist.
Pasty white skin and awful tattoos?
Kevin Federline-style “thin beard” facial hair selection?
Sunked-eyed, “I just did meth for four days straight” look?
Talks way too much trash for his own good?
Violent towards women?
And there we have it, Mr. Devendorf has hit a grand slam in the white trash department. Congrats Eric, now go fuck yourself.