Tale Of The Tape: Andre Smith vs. The Giant Stingray

February 27, 2009 – 5:23 am by Ryan Phillips

This past week has been all about the numbers. With the passing of the NFL’s annual scouting combine, measurements and numbers were all the rage. But the biggest story to come out of Indianapolis had nothing to do with 40 times or bench reps, it was Andre Smith’s weight and utter lack of common sense that made the most headlines.

Smith was measured at 6’4 and tipped the scales at 332 pounds. But scouts weren’t impressed with his physique or the way he handled himself in interviews. Then Mel Kiper dropped this bomb on Smith the other day, “You’re not going to deal with Dwight Freeney if you’re overweight as a left tackle.” Ouch.

Another gigantic specimen making waves this week was a giant stingray caught off the coast of Thailand Wednesday. It is officially the largest freshwater fish ever caught, surpassing a catfish that weighed 646 pounds.

We figured it was the perfect time to compare these two newsmakers, you know, since they’re so similar. I mean one weighs almost half a ton and looks like something straight out of a nightmare and the other is a giant stingray (ZING!).

Vital Statistics
Stingray: Female measuring in at seven feet long and seven feet wide with a 10-foot tail. Weighed in at 771 pounds and is also pregnant. Came in 125 pounds heavier than the previous record holder for largest freshwater fish caught using a fishing rod.
Smith: True-junior tackle out of Alabama, 6’4, 332 pounds. Three-year starter in college (all 49 games of his career). Claims he never ballooned up to 380 pounds despite numerous reports to the contrary.
Advantage: Stingray

Mental State
Stingray: Probably scared and a little disoriented. Was tagged and released back into the water. Also, as a pregnant female she’s probably bossy, irritable and annoying.
Smith: Frazzled by the bright lights and questions he was confronted with at the Combine. Teams were reportedly less than impressed with his unprofessional attire and personality during interviews. Then he just left without telling anyone where he was going with no explanation.
Advantage: Smith (Have you ever dealt with a pregnant woman? Yeesh.)

Major Achievement
Stingray: Struggled for 90 minutes once hooked, and it took 13 adult men to reel it in.
Smith: Consensus All-American and Outland Trophy winner in 2008.
Advantage: Push

Career Assist Goes To
Stingray: British biologist Ian Welch (who caught the fish)
Smith: Nick Saban
Advantage: Smith

Biggest Rivals
Stingray: Giant squid, Great White Shark, Lion’s Mane Jellyfish.
Smith: Eugene Monroe, Jason Smith, Michael Oher.
Advantage: Stingray

Stumbling Block To Fame
Stingray: Death of Steve Irwin.
Smith: Suspension prior to the Sugar Bowl.
Advantage: Stingray

p0wned
Stingray:
Catfish everywhere.
Smith:
Antwain Robinson.
Advantage: Smith

Likely Future Destination
Stingray: Somewhere along the length of Thailand’s Maeklong River.
Smith: Detroit, St. Louis, Cincinnati or Jacksonville.
Advantage: Stingray

Depth
Stingray: About 30 feet below the surface.
Smith: Not much according to the teams that interviewed him.
Advantage: Stingray

Verdict: 5-3 Stingray

A shocking outcome to this one. The giant stingray might not have as long a career as Smith – though they can live up to 20 years – but right now there’s no bigger new star than that thing. The stingray can now disappear to a quiet section of the river and relax for a bit after its latest adventure. As for Smith, well, he might want to disappear for some time too after his performance (or lack thereof) in Indianapolis.

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  1. 4 Responses to “Tale Of The Tape: Andre Smith vs. The Giant Stingray”

  2. That stingray is unbelievable. My life is better now that I know it exists. And I’m surprised it wasn’t more lopsided.

    By Pablo on Feb 27, 2009

  3. I wonder if there will ever be another “Giant Stingrays” tag on this blog.

    By Cousin Charlie on Mar 1, 2009

  4. We can only hope Charlie, we can only hope.

    By Phillips on Mar 2, 2009

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