Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Well, the Indianapolis Star reported Tuesday that Indiana turned in its own secondary violation for an extra phone call during one week to incoming recruit Bawa Muniru in late October.
The details don’t really matter. IU punished itself by not making any recruiting calls for one week in December.
But we have some other ideas.
Since Kelvin Sampson went down in flames because of phone call violations, and now even our man Tom Crean can’t get it straight, why don’t we just do away with the technology in Bloomington (and seriously, judging by some of the people that live in the hills around there, it wouldn’t be that big a deal) for a while? Phones are overrated anyway.
There are many other options for contacting recruits:
The smoke signal: This is one of the oldest forms of communication known to man, dating back to ancient China, and it’s particularly useful for long distances. The smoke signal will be most effective when courting in-state recruits in places like Indianapolis, Richmond and Terre Haute.
The Pony Express: Now this one will take some doing. The Pony Express as we know it was a high-speed mail service that ran between St. Joseph, Missouri, and Sacramento, California, from 1860-61. This is the perfect way to communicate with recruits over a long distance, but given the need for both skilled horsemen and fast horses, we’d probably keep it to the confines of the Midwest.
Morse Code/the telegraph: Abraham Lincoln would rather enjoy this. The telegraph revolutionized communication during the Civil War, with reports coming straight from the battlefield. Lincoln would spend hours at the War Department’s telegraph office getting first-hand reports of what was going on with his Federal troops. This method would be great for reaching recruits on either coast and in far-off countries, if necessary.
The heliograph: Here’s another one where knowing Morse Code will come in handy. A heliograph was standard issue in the British and Australian armies until the 1960s, and involves using a flashes of sunlight to convey Morse Code with, basically, a mirror. It works, according to Wikipedia, to 50 kilometers or more, which is perfect if you want to get in touch with a player while recruiting in Canada or Europe.
Carrier pigeons: Of course, IU will have to buck up for some trained pigeons, but if it’s good for the ancient Egyptians and Persians as well as the Allies during the invasion of Normandy, it’s good for us.
Now those are some good options. It would totally circumvent NCAA recruiting rules; I’m pretty sure they don’t have any regulations for how many carrier pigeons you can send out per week. And we’re not suggesting this will last forever, just a year or two while the program gets the stench off of itself.
Besides, what does IU have to lose at this point? I mean, this all worked for Bob Knight.