As I’m sure you’ve heard, yesterday baseball’s all-time saves leader agreed to a deal with the Milwaukee Brewers, officially ending his 16-year tenure with the San Diego Padres. As a lifelong Padres fan, I’m not happy. In fact, I’m the opposite of happy.
Typically I try to take the high road and eschew the excessive use of profanity in my posts. This offering will be a little different. I’m just warning you ahead of time.
Kevin Towers, Sandy Alderson and the rest of the Padres front office can go right outside and fuck themselves. Seriously, fuck you guys. F-U-C-K, Y-O-U, G-U-Y-S. I hate you. No matter what you’ve done for this city, organization and team as far as I’m concerned, you’re all dead to me.
I don’t know what kind of sick fantasy world you’re living in, but you’ve just allowed the greatest player in the history of your organization (aside from Tony Gwynn) to walk away. You guys fucked the dog so badly that he wasn’t even considering returning to the team because of the way you handled the negotiations.
Trevor freaking Hoffman, Mr. Padre, Mr. San Diego, Mr. “Hells Bells” will be playing in another city next year, and it’s all your fault. After 16 years and 552 saves with the team, he had earned the right to stay. He had fucking earned the right. He should have been allowed to finish his career with his family in San Diego, he should have been allowed to do it in his uniform, as a closer and in front of his fans. He earned it and we earned it. We earned the right to hear that song, see his slow trot to the mound and watch that incredible change-up. So great job assholes, you just let the greatest closer of all time walk away. And you didn’t even put any effort into stopping him.
Seriously, what kind of drugs are you guys doing? You thought you could have a 99-loss season then try to trade Jake Peavy and let the face of the franchise for 16 years walk away and we’d be totally fine with it? Some people have told me that we have to accept what the team does because they’re our team, but fuck that. I don’t have to accept it and I don’t have to support people I don’t like who don’t appreciate me or my business.
Sandy Alderson, or as I like to call him: cockbreath, apparently has no idea what’s best for the organization. To him it’s all about statistical analysis and a business model. Well Sandy, you button-downed Dartmouth douchebag, every business is dependent on the satisfaction of its customers. I know that and I’ve only got a journalism degree from a Big Ten school.
You dirty pieces of shit wouldn’t know good baseball if it tapped you on the shoulder, introduced itself then took a two-by-four to your grotesque, wrinkled, hairy bean bags … FUCK!
I need to end this at some point because I could literally rail on these two penny-pinching, cock-sucking, mother-fucking, pieces of rancid horse manure for days. With that in mind I’ll just end this post with what McD says to me at least once on roughtly 279 days each year: