Kaka Might Have to Suit Himself

January 19, 2009 – 1:29 pm by Matthew Glenesk

A few days ago, we detailed Manchester City’s $161-million quest for AC Milan star Kaka. I said I didn’t think it would happen. I still don’t, though all the pundits think its all but a done deal.

City, who is owned by the uber-wealthy Abu Dhabi Investment Group, is reportedly prepared to offer the 2007 FIFA World Player of the Year $726,000 in weekly wages.

In soccer, you’re usually playing just once a week, however every now and then you’ll get a midweek cup game. So basically, Kaka is getting a little more than $8,000 a minute on the soccer field (assuming he plays all 90 minutes).

It sounds like a lot, but in comparison, Kevin Garnett made $10,201 a minute last season not including the playoffs. At a bargain, LeBron James made $4,308 a minute last season.

AC Milan manager Carlo Ancelotti seems resigned to losing his star Brazilian. But fans of the Rossoneri aren’t willing to capitulate just let. At the end of Saturday’s 1-0 win over Fiorentina, the Milan fans pleaded with Kaka to stay while he hugged players and coaches before he left the pitch.

On Monday, they protested outside AC Milan headquarters as reports of Kaka’s transfer began to look more likely.

Oh, and did I fail to mention that AC Milan’s owner also happens to be Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi? Good luck with that whole re-election thing.


“Hey don’t worry there Silv, I once traded a 21-year old Slammin’ Sammy Sosa for Harold Baines, Fred Manrique and some chewing gum. People tend to be forgivingable – full of forgivingness. Look at my approval ratings. Now why don’t you hop in the kitchen and make me something to eat like that tasty Giada gal does.”

While Berlusconi is sweating right through his designer suit, AC Milan’s most fashionable fan Giorgio Armani isn’t too pleased about the prospect of losing one of his pretty stable boys (Kaka has an endorsement deal with Armani).

“I would be very sad if Kaka left. With Kaka and his wife I have a splendid relationship, they are wonderful people.”

Well isn’t that sweet. What he really meant to say was: “Kaka, don’t go. Your wife is really hot and if you do we’ll replace you with Frank Ribery.”

If AC Milan is Armani, then Manchester City is Mossimo – available exclusively at Target (my fashion designer brother would be so proud). Why trade beautiful northern Italy for drab and wet Manchester? I know you’re married (to a dime), but still scenery counts, and have you seen the tail in the Eastlands?

So it’s more than just a soccer transfer story. It has political intrigue, billionaire Arabian princes, a Jesus-loving superstar, hot wives, angry fashion designers and Powerball-type money. What’s not to like? And please, don’t say soccer.

UPDATE: Rumors currently circulating say the deal is off.

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  1. 3 Responses to “Kaka Might Have to Suit Himself”

  2. At least you’ve moved on from talking about poop to talking about Kaka.

    By Hick Flick on Jan 19, 2009

  3. Good one.

    By TheBaker on Jan 19, 2009

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