Italian Defender Porn Again

December 22, 2008 – 12:15 pm by Matthew Glenesk

Bruno Cirillo Dreams of Porn Role

“For many people their dream is to become a footballer and be the next Zidane or Ronaldo, but for Bruno Cirillo his dream has always been to one day become a pornographic movie star.”

With a headline and subhead like that, who wouldn’t want to read on.

Cirillo is a 30-year old defender for Reggina, who play in Italy’s Serie A. On a TV show called, “Victory,” Cirillo revealed his ambition of becoming a porn star.

“He explained how one day he would like to take his passion seriously. Apparently he has the necessary ‘equipment’ to do so, as his teammates have nicknamed him ‘Dotato’ (‘Gifted’).”

“If my teammates call me this way, then it must be true,” Cirillo said.

In the interview, Cirillo goes on to mention Sampdoria striker Antonio Cassano’s claim in his autobiography that he slept with more than 700 women in his life. 

“I think it’s just a joke, I can only say that I have arrived over 20.”

Cassano spent time with Real Madrid as David Beckham’s teammate. So, the No. 700 is probably right if Antonio is simply capable of picking off the castaways.

Upon hearing Cirillo’s desire to join the likes of Kostas Gousgounis and Michael J. Cox, I did a little research on Bruno.

According to FIFA 09’s latest adidas Live Season Update (which you can download every Wednesday) Cirillo has some work to do if he wants to “arrive over” Nicole Graves (right) or Gianna Michaels.

He’s ranked a respectable 74 overall (out of 100), but while “Dotato” might be gifted in the groin-ish region, porn acting is far more than just sporting a meat cannon. And after further review of Bruno’s scouting report, it’s time for me to offer a few tips on how we might be able to increase his odds of busting into the big leagues – San Fernando Valley.

(And if anyone should be giving someone tips on porn, I feel qualified to do so. Though, I’m no more qualified than the next guy. I swear.) 

First, the positives.

You have some decent attributes. Stamina (80) and positioning (78) are two key traits male porn actors need to own. An 80 stamina is good for a 35-minute scene and an above average positioning score allows the cameraman to get in tight with some dazzling cinematography.

With an 81 aggression, you should isolate “actresses” who don’t mind a little rough stuff every now and then a la a Tory Lane. But beware, you might get type-casted.

Curve is a 46. That’s middle of the road and fine. The niche audience for Gonzo’s nose won’t pay the bills.

Ball control is at a 55. Keep it there. Anything above a 65 and you’re dangerously close to crossing over.

Now, the negatives. 

Increase your agility. You’re rocking a 67. At that rate, you might want to avoid work on Bang Buses or department store fitting rooms.

Finishing is just at a 44. That number has to get up! While it’s true most viewers never actually get to the end, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to either. There are no shortcuts in porn.

Again, related to the finish. Shot power at a paltry 53 is not going to get you on any fancy compilation on Blast Masters.

So, Bruno you have your work cut out for you. It’s been your dream since childhood. While others dreamt of becoming astronauts and dignitaries, you dared to imagine a future as a Dale DaBone or Erik Everhard. 

God, I love it when athletes are porn again.

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  1. 6 Responses to “Italian Defender Porn Again”

  2. Nice Nicole Graves shout out. One of my personal favorites…

    By BakersPapi on Dec 22, 2008

  3. Michael J. Cox was in one of the best Shakespearian porn films of all time, “A Midsummer Night’s Cream.” One of the best scenes is when Bottom (as a donkey) plows Titania.

    By Johnny on Dec 23, 2008

  4. Gotta love any time you can use the “Porn” tag on the site. We’re all class baby.

    By Phillips on Dec 23, 2008

  5. Hello. And Bye. :)

    By kookimebux on Feb 1, 2009

  6. Using the ole “porn” tag…lol. I like the part about him picking off David Beckhams castoffs. Funny stuff, 700 would be probable if that were the case.

    By Whateverporn.com on May 14, 2009

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