I’ve been out of the sports loop lately with my recent celebrations of Christmas Eve, Christmas and Boxing Day, but it has come to my attention that I missed some comic gold, if you will, during the Christmas Eve telecast of the Hawaii Bowl.
While comedy would be a fitting description of any Notre Dame bowl game since Lou Holtz left, that wasn’t the case in this one as the Irish managed to top the Rainbow Warriors of Hawaii. Or if you prefer, Hawai’i.
But that’s not to say something funny didn’t happen during the game.
As captured by our old friend 100% Injury Rate, we have video footage of ESPN announcer Dave Pasch saying that a hit on a Notre Dame receiver caused a “golden shower.” This is not the type of imagery anyone needs during Christmastime, particularly with Charlie Weis in attendance.
But Dave Pasch handed us the ball, so we’re going to run with it. Imagine, if you will, a world of holiday-themed porno movies. Some of them may already exist, but we like to think that we’ve come up with several original titles on the list which you are about to read. And remember, these are not at all appropriate for any Virgin Marys out there, so stop now if you don’t like adult language or behavior.
Jingle Bell Cock
Oh, Cum On All Ye Unfaithful
Waiting For Saint Dick
Jingle All The Gay
Eight Crazy Dykes
I Saw Mommy Banging Santa Claus
Rudolph the Red-Eye Rammer
Butt Slapper (Nut Cracker)
I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas…no need to change anything here
And the sequel… Silent Dyke, Unholy Dyke
Two Gays in a Manger
It’s the Most Wonderful Time to Be Queer
Don’t Rest, Ye Fairy Gentlemen
A Christmas Horny (A Christmas Story)
Frosty the Ho-Man
Fuckin’ around the Christmas Tree
Carol of the Balls
I’m Dreaming of a White and Black Christmas
Santa’s Milf and Cookies
We Three Queens
Jack Frost jizzing on her nose
Christmas tree trim
The nut/crack whore
The Grinch who stole virginities
And the most infamous title of them all… The Little Hummer Boy