Tuesday Evening Punter: Week 4.5

September 30, 2008 – 8:09 pm by Hickey

Last week was a bye for the Tuesday Afternoon/Evening/Whatever time of day I get around to writing this item Punter. It is our sincere hope that you noticed.

Anyhow, before starting the Week 4.5 Report, here are some “I told you so’s” from Week 2.5. Because I don’t get to brag very often.

– The Bills are in fact the team to beat in the AFC East. You read it here first, when they were merely 2-0.

– The Ford family confiscated the incriminating photos Matt Millen had in his personal collection — perhaps they got Tatum Bell to swipe them — and finally canned the worst front office man in sports. The only thing I had been waiting for longer than Millen’s firing was for Clay Aiken to come out of the closet.

– Washington State is every bit as wretched as I thought they were. The Cougars are being outscored by an average of 44.4-19. And that’s when you include their lone win against I-AA weakling Portland State, which was a 48-9 blowout. Against real teams, Wazzu’s average score is a mind-boggling 53.25-11.75. Ew.

Trojans unable to penetrate Beavers

It was good to see that Phillips had a post this morning. After USC’s loss to Mike Riley-coached Oregon State on Thursday night, I was starting to get a little worried about him when I didn’t see any evidence that he was still alive. Particularly after he left me the rather cryptic comment “Do you have a toaster I can borrow? I need to go take a bath.”

But it’s good to see he’s fully recovered. My only question about the Beavers second-straight upset of the Trojans in Corvallis is this: why Thursday night? Weren’t Thursday night games invented so crappy teams from the MAC could get their one day in the spotlight? Shouldn’t a big boy conference be playing its games on Saturdays?

Wait, I just called the Pac-10 a big boy conference. Guess that answers that question.

Wisconsin’s offense: A disgrace to humanity?

When someone spots you five turnovers in one half, you need to be able to convert at least three of those into touchdowns. So while the Badgers still brought a nice 19-0 lead into halftime against Michigan Saturday, the Wolverines were still only three TDs out of the lead. And as we found out, that is a margin from which one can recover.

Had the Badgers swapped two of their FGs for TDs, the Wolverines suddenly have a 27-0 deficit staring them in the face and things aren’t looking so peachy. Of course, the only thing worse than squandering those chances is giving the ball back, which Wisconsin did four times in the game — most notably on an interception that was returned for a touchdown that gave Michigan the lead.

A guy can dream

Every year, there always seems to be one weekend where the Top 25 rankings make like Culture Club. Not just one upset, but many. And you can bet that there will be another before the year is finished. But it still gets us to thinking… what if things tumbled just the right way and Northwestern and Vanderbilt end up winning their conference championships? (And for good measure, we’ll throw Wake Forest in another BCS bowl as ACC champ).

The only thing that would make it sweeter is if somehow Oklahoma and Arizona State got together for the national Quiz Bowl championship.

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Call it the Ned Yost Effect. Now that the Brewers have made the playoffs two weeks after dumping their manager, apparently NFL teams think they can find success doing the same thing.

The Lions gave us a preview last week by firing Matt Millen, although firing a front office guy in midseason really accomplishes very little outside of giving Detroit a better shot to compete next season.

On Monday, the Rams parted ways with coach Scott Linehan, who totally sucked at his job. Just like everyone else on the team save Steven Jackson. (Actually, check that. There’s some decent talent on the roster. Yeah, Linehan totally blows).

The only thing funnier than seeing this picture two years ago is seeing it now

And then on Tuesday, the axe finally fell on Lane Kiffin, as senile Al Davis got around to firing the guy he meant to fire two weeks ago. Problem was Al couldn’t find his car keys, so it took a little while longer to get around to than he anticipated. (They were right next to the prunes in his pantry).

At least Al had the deceny to fire Kiffin in a face-to-face meeting. Er, never mind. Guess it was over the phone. You stay classy, Oaktown.

On a side note, can anyone remember two coaches ever being fired in the same week midseason? And has any team ever actually made the playoffs after firing their coach after the season started? I wanted to get our research department on it, but they’ve all been laid off in wake of the economic collapse.

Oh Bengals, you amuse me so

What would life be without the Cincinatti Bengals? The organization that was once a parody of the Raiders has now become a parody of itself with Tuesday’s signing of Cedric Benson. The same Curtis Enis clone who was cut by the Bears after getting arrested twice on alcohol-related charges in Austin this summer.

As you know, Paul Brown Stadium is essentially a halfway house for all sorts of cretins. It’s kind of like the Island of Misfit Toys in “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” And even though his charges were dropped, Benson is a perfect fit to join the appropriately colored team in orange.

But I can see why the Bengals signed him in their everlasting quest to replace Ickey Woods’ void in the backfield. Benson is still young, and certainly has the potential for some breakout years. As in a prison break.

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  1. 2 Responses to “Tuesday Evening Punter: Week 4.5”

  2. I got that message from him too. Do you think I’ll ever get my toaster back?

    By McD on Sep 30, 2008

  3. The fact that you have an Island of Misfit Toys reference in here is incredible. I bought Mama D an Island of Misfit Toys ornament last Christmas. True story.

    And no McD, you can’t have your toaster back. SC still has to play Stanford, so I’m keeping it until then.

    By Phillips on Oct 1, 2008

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