Picture this, if you will: it’s late August, and, like many of you, I’m sweating out my fantasy draft. I picked 12th in the first round, so it’s not like I was getting one of the top guys (I ended up with Clinton Portis), but I was cautiously optimistic. When drafting that late, it’s important to find sleepers and quietly productive guys instead of aiming for flash or just making the obvious pick. Another way to say that is, “I thought my season was already f*cked before it began.”
I got Tony Romo in the second round, and on the draft went. I managed to get at least decent players to fill out my starters, plus I got to throw in a couple of homer picks just for fun (Vincent Jackson in the eigth and San Diego D in the sixth. WAY too early, but that’s why they call it being a homer). So finally it was time to pick all my backups. I’m not one who pays too much attention to what round I draft my backups. I just make sure to take decent players that can fill in for the starters’ bye weeks, and that’s about it.
So, it’s round 12 and I need a quarterback to fill in for Tony Romo. You know all about Tony Romo. All-world quarterback and pretty boy for the Cowboys. He’s gonna start every game for me except for his bye week. So I say screw it and draft Aaron Rodgers, figuring the kid would have it together by Romo’s bye week for one fill-in job. And, if not, I can just get some one on the waiver wire. No big deal. If the Pack really wanted to stick with him, they must have seen something, after all, and it’s not like there were other great quarterbacks I was passing up.
Let me summarize my league’s reaction: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
I’d say that about captures it.
Fine. Whatever. He’s gonna play one freaking week for me and for the other 17, Tony Romo will pile up the yards and TD’s. I’ll probably end up dropping Rodgers after he shits the bed in week one anyway. Screw you guys. I wrote A LOT in my diary that night.
Two weeks later, I have a legitimate quarterback controversy on my hands. Tony Romo has been his usual self, producing 632 passing yards and 4 TD’s with 2 INT’s and one lost fumble for a total of 40.68 points over two weeks. Problem is, Aaron Rodgers has been even better. He’s only thrown for 506 yards, but his four passing TD’s, one rushing TD, and lack of any interceptions, fumbles, or general f*ck-ups has given him a grand total of 49.24 points in the first two weeks. Better than Romo by quite a bit. According to my “optimal roster” thingy, I should have played Aaron Rodgers for the past two weeks even though I’m 2-0 anyway. Great. Just great.
While I know The Riot is enjoying my pain, the real issue is this coming Sunday when the Cowboys and Packers meet at Lambeau for an old-school NFC showdown. This is where it gets really shitty for me and Inter-Species Erotica (my team): the Green Bay defense has been the highest-scoring defense in our league, racking up 35 points in two weeks (compared to 10 for San Diego’s D). Can Tony Romo really put up Tony Romo-like numbers against that? Rodgers gets to face the newly shredded Cowboys defense who are fresh off a shootout against Philly and have scored just 15 points in two weeks. I watched every snap of that game last night and the Cowboys’ D is definitely vulnerable. Philly walked down the field on them for a lot of the game. Sure, they’ll make the big plays, but they also give up a lot. If McNabb can score that many points throwing to receivers I’m pretty sure were cutting my parents’ lawn not too long ago, I’d say Rodgers and the Packers O have a decent shot at this thing.
It’s only Tuesday and I’m already looking worse than John Gruden after an all-night bender doing yay and watching film while deciding which awful, washed up, quarterback to use this Sunday. And sure, my entire league is reading this and enjoying my suffering because I’m gonna get smashed by the first-place team this week anyway. Maybe something will happen during the rest of this week that will make the decision easy for me. I need Jessica to “pull the goalie” on Romo or Brett Favre to laud Rodgers in the press, thereby jinxing the hell out of the rest of his season.
But if nothing happens I’ve still gotta make a decision and put my best team on the virtual field on Sunday. Otherwise, I might be apologizing next Tuesday. I won’t have to be quoted as saying something insane like “Tarvaris Jackson is our quarterback,” but I still have to decide the age-old question: Budweiser or Bud Light(or Bud Dry!) Romo or Rodgers?