Remember those awkward puberty years when you were really into wrestling? Where Vince McMahon actually meant something to you? When Dwayne Johnson wasn’t an awful actor and instead was incredibly cool as The Rock?
No? Shit. Well I thought The Rock was cool, had a t-shirt and didn’t think much of Triple H. Stop judging me right now.
Anyway, there are a lot of people out there who stage their own wrestling matches, at which there is copious drinking and overflowing tesosterone.
Unfortunately for residents in Phoenix, they won’t be able to partake in those things anymore. Local police raided one of these local wrestling shows in late August. Here’s the key passage:
Heaven and Hell Wrestling, known for its costumed male characters and female applesauce battles, operated its ringside attractions at a home near Greenway Parkway and 27th Street until the Aug. 23 raid.
Now, it’s one thing to shut down a bunch of dudes in leotards throwing each other around the ring. But break up an operation that included applesauce wrestling? We must take umbrage, officers.
What is more American than looking on as scantily clad women toss each other around in a pool of applesauce, Jell-O, mud, or KY jelly? Blue Palasky found it so inviting he chose it as his way to die. God rest his imaginary soul.
But it’s a lesson learned. If you want to watch chicks wrestle, don’t move to Phoenix. The Man will just keep you down.